I sat by the bar we had in the basement of my house, looking at the fishes swimming around the tank, their bright colors illuminating the bar, a blueish light landing on the dark countertops.
I smiled, as a smaller fish floated in the center of the tank, a bigger fish circling playfully around it.
I looked down at the sprite I had just poured, my finger hovering over the green call button. Why was I so scared? Why was I making this such a big deal? I had called him thousands of times, what was so different now?
Deep down I knew what was so different. I had told him I liked him, and he had told me it couldn't happen. I know what I'm afraid of, I'm self aware enough. Rejection. Rejection was what I am afraid of. Get over it you big baby, don't be a little bitch.
I pressed the button, it was ringing.
V: Hello? He answered el, no backing out now.
E: Hi Vinnie
V: Oh. Um hi el. I didn't think you would actually call.
E: Well you told me to Ew you sound like his servant
V: I want to say sorry for what happened at the party
E: And I want to talk in person... i'm awkward on the phone
V: I cant see you el, i cant see your face or i'll do something i'll regret What the hell does that mean, he sounds like a hallmark movie
E: Thank you? What does that even mean.
V: I- I'll tell you today at my place around 10... don't be early
E: What the he-
He hung up. What a bitch. Why do I like him.
4 hours later
I got dressed, putting on a baggy grey hoodie and black yoga pants. I would overthink the whole way there if I wore anything else.
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Fun.
I hopped in my car, it was 9:54 but it took like 20 minutes to get to his house so it would be fine.
22 minutes later
It's 10:16 and I park my car, lock it and walk up the driveway. Why is this house so condescending.
I walk in, saying a louder, "Hello? It's ella." Not like anyone in this house would be asleep this early.
"Hello sunshine." Josh again. I smiled, giving him a hug. "Are you here for alc or Vinnie." I stiffled a laugh, smiling while looking up at him. He was laughing at his own joke. Weirdo.
"I'm here for Vincent." He pouted. "And to think I was going to give buddy a discount." He patted my shoulder and walked back into the kitchen... probably to find an prime energy or something.
I walked up the stairs, opening his door. He looked up from his phone. "You can come in, thanks for asking." This bitch was pissing me off. Keeps going hot n cold. 'Que Katy Perry song'
"Alright, what's with the attitude Hacker?"
He scoffed. "I don't have an attitude." I laughed at that one. "Stop fucking lying." He took a deep breath before continuing.
"I'm sorry." I wish he would stop having to say that.
"Fine."
He put down his phone and looked deep into my eyes, as if he was studying my face. "You said you wanted to talk in person."
"Right. The thing is, I really don't want to lose you. I already did and it wasn't fun. I'm not asking to be your girlfriend, we don't have to date. But you can't just shut me out. I deserve to be told what your problem is." I was practically begging, I feel so weak around him when he's upset.
He stood up from his bed walking over to me, was he going to make me leave?
Vinnie strode up to me, breathing in my air. He grabbed my face, looking me dead in the eye. His voice was low and strained.
"I have never felt so attracted to someone in my whole life, you make me feel like I'm falling off a cliff, gambling after a win, risking it all... and that is one of the few things in life that scares me."
"I can't date you... not because I'm not attracted to you, but because a relationship with you would be love. It would be forever love. And I'm scared-" His voice almost broke but steadied itself.
"-I'm scared that I wouldn't be able to give you 200 percent, which is what you deserve. You deserve the world Carter, but I don't think I could give you that."
"Then just give me 100 percent." I closed the distance between our lips, kissing him with pressure. I don't need him to be perfect, I need him to be with me. Entirely.
He kissed back, smiling into it. Our kiss slowed into him leaving pecks all over my face and onto my neck, until his face rested in the crook of my neck, both of us laughing quietly. The fact that neither of us could control ourselves around each other was mildly childish, I'm sure giving him flashbacks to sophomore year as well.
He took his face out of my neck, looking down at me. "I'm glad you did that." He pulled me into a hug, kissing my forehead. "Me too."
"The PDA." It was Anthony, standing in the doorway. Perv. "It wasn't public til you stood there staring." Vinnie pointed out.
"Creepy much?" I asked, laughing.
"No, not really, just an innocent bystander." He put his hands up and walked down the stairs.
"He makes us sound like drug lords." Vinnie whispered, looking out the door, watching as Anthony jogged down the stairs. "Moral of the story, tell me how you feel." I smiled, walking down the stairs after Anthony.
