Desire: One Woman's Story of Love

Chapter Twenty Three

TW ⚠️ Mentions of rape.
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Reader's POV:

"You were raped?"

Time seemed to freeze as my gaze met Lana's across the room. Her chocolate brown eyes holding so much emotion but mostly consumed by confusion and sadness. A few tears escaped down her cheeks as she tried to process my revelation. It was finally out, and I didn't know how to feel. I didn't mean for her to find out like this. I didn't mean for her to find out at all.

I quickly tore my eyes away from Lana's, closing them to suppress my own tears.

"I'll leave you two to talk." I was unaware of Dr Osbourne's presence until she spoke. She squeezed my hand gently before leaving the room. A small part of me didn't want her to leave, I was terrified to be left alone with Lana. I didn't want to have to rehash everything that had happened. I could barely look her in the eyes, keeping my gaze downcast.

Lana stepped further into the room, closing the door behind her. We both remained silent, not knowing what to say. What do you say in a situation like this?

"Y/n, look at me." Her voice was soft but shaky as though she was trying to hold back her sobs, and she was now at my bedside. "Please.." she then added, her desperate plea tugging at my heart.

I bit down hard on my lip, the mild pain distracting me from the harrowing pain I felt inside my chest. After a minute, I forced my eyes to meet Lana's, my cheeks soaked with tears.

"I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry." My voice was just above a whisper, I didn't know what else to say. An overwhelming sense of fear overpowered me and for a moment I'd forgotten how to breathe. Seeing the wounded expression on Lana's face just caused me to breakdown. Uncontrollable sobs muffled by my hands, apologising over and over because it was all my fault. I provoked Chris, I pushed him, I did this. How was Lana ever supposed to forgive me for allowing this to happen. How was she ever supposed to look at me the same? How was she supposed to touch me again, knowing that I'd been violated by a man, by him. No.. she can't find out that it was Chris.

"Baby, don't apologise, you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm right here. I'm here." I felt the bed dip slightly, catching me off guard. Lana had climbed into bed beside me, holding me, sobbing quietly as she gently shushed me. I could tell she was trying to refrain from crying so much, but I could still faintly hear her.

I slowly started to calm down, clinging to her for dear life. Please don't leave me. Violent sobs quickly turned into soft whimpers. The hypnotic hum of her heart pulling me into a trance, soothing me instantly.

We didn't speak, just held onto one another. She didn't push me for an explanation or answers, but kissed my forehead and told me she loved me. She still loves me.

A minute or two passed by, my eyes were getting heavy and I struggled to keep them open. I was exhausted, physically, mentally, emotionally. Although I felt a tiny weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I'd tell her everything eventually, in my own time. But she knew and she was still here, she hadn't left and I felt awful for that thought even crossing my mind, but my mind slowly began to switch off as I was overtaken by sleep.

♡ ♡ ♡

We both lay in bed, snuggled up in the same position. I'd only managed to sleep for an hour but it had been the best sleep I'd had since that night. I just felt content and safe in Lana's arms.

Apparently Dr Osbourne had come in to check on me whilst I was asleep and to let Lana know that my x-ray was in a couple of hours. She wanted to let me rest, which was kind of her because I clearly needed it, although she was a bit wary of me sleeping so soon after passing out and hitting my head, but Lana assured her that she'd keep an eye on me.

I felt fine.. well as fine as I could be. I was in a slight daze, probably just down to exhaustion. But then Lana's soft voice pulled me back to the present.

"Do you want to talk about it? You don't have to if you're not ready. Just know that I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

I exhaled slowly, tilting my head up to finally look at her. Her eyes were slightly red, and her cheeks held faint streaks of mascara, but she smiled softly as she lightly caressed my cheek, eyes searching mine.

"I'm sorry you had to find out like that." My voice came out unrecognisable in a quiet croak. I didn't want to tell her that I wasn't planning on telling her at all, she didn't need to know that.

She remained silent but her eyes spoke for her, allowing me to continue if I wanted. Her hand was warm, still lingering on my cheek and I leant into her touch, closing my eyes briefly. Giving myself a moment to collect my thoughts.

"The other night, when we were going out to celebrate your new book, you had gone back to the office to get your phone." I quickly swallowed the lump in my throat. Lana's face remained neutral as she nodded slowly, her eyes were glassy and I could see something in them that I hadn't seen before, was it anger? Was she angry with me? I took a deep breath before carrying on.

"There was a guy.. at the bar." I couldn't tell her it was Chris, if she found out it was him she'd literally kill him. Maybe that's what he deserved but right now she didn't need to know that detail. I was unsure how I'd be able to go back to work and face him but I suppose I would cross that bridge when I came to it.

"He was pretty drunk and hitting on me.. of course I ignored his advances and inappropriate remarks but he didn't like that and called me a tease." My voice broke slightly as I was reliving my worse nightmare. Was I being a tease? Did I lead him on somehow?

"When it became too much I decided to leave the bar.. I was going to come find you, but he followed me, and then.." My cheeks quickly became damp with tears and Lana's thumb lightly brushed them away.

"Then he.." This is the moment I'd tried so hard to block out but it was still there, clear as day. I could feel my whole body trembling and I gripped tightly onto Lana's shirt.

"Darling you don't have to.." Lana finally spoke, choking back her sobs.

"I'm ok.." I whispered, composing myself before carrying on. "He kissed me and I pushed him off which just made him even more angry. I tried to walk away but then he.. he.. he pushed me into an ally and he ra.. he ra.." I closed my eyes as more tears flowed freely down my cheeks. "He raped me." I was now full on sobbing again, burying my face into her chest, my hands clutching her shirt as though she might just fade away.

"It's all my fault. I'm sorry." My voice was muffled by my hand but Lana held onto me, gently shushing me.

"Darling it's not your fault, you have nothing to be sorry for." Her breathing was unsteady as she rocked me back and fourth, like she was trying to hold it together for my sake. "What that bastard did to you.. that's on him. You did nothing wrong." She tightened her grip on me, holding me firmly against her chest almost like she was scared to let go.

"I'm so sorry.." she whispered. "We'll get through this, I promise."

I hope so.

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Okay, a lot of people have been asking for an update so here it is! I hope you liked it! Sorry it took so long, I was unsure how I wanted to write this chapter. Some of you may be annoyed that Lana doesn't know it was Chris that raped y/n, but there's a reason for that, I have plans.

Also sorry if there's any mistakes, it's currently 2:00am for me and I'm beyond tired. 😴

Anyway, please comment your thoughts, I love reading your comments, they make my day. Thank you for reading.
~T ♡~