ALL THE LOVE WE LEAVE BEHIND

Chapter 17

~Dylan~

"What's going on Blair?" I repeated, as she pretended not to be lost in a haze, while staring out of the car window.

"Nothing. I'm just a little tired." The lie was evident for a number of reasons. Firstly, she had fallen asleep right after our 8 pm dinner- unless she had stayed up all night, but I doubted that. Secondly, her eyes didn't match her lips, her face wasn't even facing mine, and she had been silent ever since our borderline slip up.

The truth is, I knew that it wasn't about us almost kissing that made her fall silent. It was what interrupted that heated moment that stuck to her. As much as I hated to admit it, it was him- Tyler.

He was on her mind, and I wasn't sure why or since when things patched up between them, but I just wished she had at least told me.

Yes, I would still punch his face, and watch him bleed, but I expected the truth from Blair. And if there really was something still there, then why pull me in? I was willing to keep my distance, despite it meaning that I needed to take a cold shower every fucking morning, but her dangling onto someone like Tyler- that wasn't something I was going to stand for.

"I don't buy that." I spoke up, as I pressed the paddle faster in frustration of her biting her lips to keep them shut.

"Okay." She shrugged, as I pulled the breaks, causing her to jolt backwards.

I'm sure that hurt her head, because it definitely did mine, but right now, it was killing me that she wasn't talking.

"What the hell Dylan?" She looked at me, with a glare that made me question; what happened that made her so afraid to tell me the truth?

"We're not moving until you tell me what the hell it is that's going on."

"Nothing is going on Dylan." Her teeth chattered in defense, but her eyes refused to even meet mine.

"You're going to have to be a lot more convincing than that." I huffed out, as I shut the engine.

"Dylan, don't be an idiot. Start the car back up. We need to reach home." She whined, as I crossed my arms, and stared blank at the road.

"I'm in no rush."

"Well I am. I have to be home in less than 20 minutes." She yelled, as I stared at her dumbfounded.

"Why?"

"I just do. So will you please take me home?" She pleaded, piercing warmth in the left side of my chest, but I needed to know.

"Tell me why and I'll take you right now. No questions asked."

"I can't." She let out, after a moment's hesitation.

"It's him isn't it?" I uttered against my will, as she glared at me.

"No- no why would you say that?"

"Because you've taken a 360 turn ever since he called last night Blair- and if you have decided to forgive him, I won't stand in your way. But I would really appreciate you just telling me the damn truth. I think I deserve that much." I kept my voice at a low, as she rolled her eyes.

"I haven't forgiven him." She concluded. "And I do trust you, but I just can't tell you this right now. I just need a day to process what happened yesterday."

"With us or with him?"

"Both Dylan." She yelled, as her eyes finally struck mine. "And you really don't get to start a lecture on trust, when you can't even be honest about how you feel with me. You let me go out on a limb, where I almost kissed you, and then you just walked away like you didn't even want it."

"Blair, don't twist things." I retorted, keeping the conversation as composed as I possibly could. "I never asked you to lean in, and I certainly did not back down because I didn't want it. I held myself back because he called, and you didn't bother giving me an explanation after. So you really cannot pin this on me."

"No Dylan." She screeched."You didn't ask me to almost kiss you, but you did go on a whole speech about how badly you want to see me. And don't you dare renounce that by saying you were talking in the third person- because that doesn't change anything." She bellowed out, but before I could rebuke her claim, she started again."And yes, I didn't give you an explanation but that was because I was just as confused as you were. I wasn't in contact with him. He sent me a letter a week back that I didn't even open by the way, because I didn't want to start talking to him again. I wanted nothing to do with him. But after yesterday, I'm really starting to think I made the wrong decision."

"He sent you a letter?" It took me less than a second to put two and two together.

"Yeah he did, but I didn't open it-"

"You told me that letter was from Lexi." I dropped, as she grew shut.

"I- I did that because I didn't want you to get upset." She mumbled, but her tone grew soft, as I accepted that I really wasn't going to be getting the truth from her.

"You lied to me then Blair. And you can say whatever you want to, but you're lying to me now."

"I'm not lying to you Dylan. You don't know anything."

"That's because you haven't told me anything. Do you expect me to fucking read your mind? You want me to be honest with you about everything, when you can't tell me one damn thing straight." I announced, as her eyes wailed close to tears.

"Yes I can't." Her fingers ran through her hair, as she looked the other way. "I really can't tell you anything right now because I don't understand it myself, and I feel like if I tell you, you're going to hate me and I can't have that on my plate until I figure this thing out."

"Blair." My lips numbed down, as I placed my palm on her thigh, making her tight skin relax- at least she still liked that."I can't know how I'm going to react, unless you tell me. But I can promise you, whatever it is, I won't hate you for it."

Her lips were shivering, and if she wasn't holding her breath, I was sure she would have teared up by now, but keeping her emotions on hold, she gazed into my eyes and let out.

"I wasn't in contact with him, at least not till last night. I'm being honest." She fumbled, as her knuckles clicked, and she looked down."After our thing- after we almost-" Her lips trailed off, "I decided to call him, only to tell him never to contact me again, and I did just that." She bit her lip as she continued. "It's just that he told me that he'd stay out of my life on one condition; if I read his letter. I promised him I'd do that, but I also told him that after that I'd rip it to shreds because I thought it was going to be some stupid apology of his."

"But it wasn't just an apology was it?" I guessed, as I prayed this guy wasn't dying.

"He's in London, and he told me that after reading the letter, if I decided to give him another chance then I should meet him for lunch." She breathed out.

"Are you meeting him for lunch?" I swallowed, knowing the answer.

"I'm not getting back with him Dylan." She admitted, as she bit her bottom lip."I just need to see him, because there was something in that letter that I needed to be sure of."

"Okay."

I nodded my head, as my stomach hurled in ache. As her friend, I would drive off before even letting her meet the guy, but I couldn't do that because I knew that if I did, it would be for my own selfish reasons. It would be because I'd want her to be mine.

"Where do you need to go?"

"I'm not going to ask you to take me there Dylan."

She let out, but I didn't care.

"You don't have to."

"No. I'm serious. I'll get a cab. I just want to go by myself."

She pleaded as I realized she was probably right.

"You sure?" I confirmed as she nodded her head.

"Alright. I'll take you home then."

"Thank you Dylan."

She vocalized, but I didn't bother giving her an answer. Instead, I restarted the engine and sped off at a faster speed than what was permissible.