The night was spent with me locked up in my room, as the entire month- especially the last few hours- replayed themselves like a 90's disc in my head. It was ridiculous-unfair but ridiculous- how everything in your life just flips a switch, and without warning- the room either goes dark or light, and you have no choice but to accept it.
Now I could have easily spent the hours of loneliness, contemplating on the 'what ifs' or could have rung Lexi to give me consolation on the breakup. But something... maybe a voice.. a nudge.. or just my realization that everything happens for a reason...made me fold myself into a ball instead, as I cradled my heart, picked up the pieces and tried to fall asleep. It's true what they say,
The greatest slumber comes after heartbreak- you fall asleep to your tears.
I'm not going to sugar coat it and say there were no tears, because there were. Half my pillow was drenched with droplets that fell down my eyes, and I had to toss it over the other side to rest without getting my cheek soaked even more. I didn't wail though- I could have, because Dylan wasn't home- after dropping the bombshell, he just left, and I never heard the door open so I assumed he had spent the night somewhere else.
I didn't like the idea that this was the way it was all going to end- a meaningless fight where the two of us exhausted our love by wrenching out faults in the other. It wasn't something romantic- it was just ghastly and almost sickening to think that even after all the brawls and blows, every bone in my body ached for him..
There wasn't much I could do though. I had a flight the next morning and that was all I was going to focus on...not the scheduled hearing that I would miss... not this place that I grew into calling my home.. not the bed I slept on as he nuzzled me to a heaven like slumber... and certainly not....him.
My eyes opened, as I found myself disheveled, lying on the sheet with my festival dress still on- how could I not change? Oh. I remembered why- and groaned to look at the time.
8:30 am.
That meant I had 45 minutes to shower, dress up and dump my dirty laundry into the suitcase, before calling a cab and getting the hell out of this place. See, in normal circumstances, the time frame would have been flexible, but after you experience a flood of emotions that feel worse than a hangover- you realize that even 45 days would be too little time to get out of bed. Alas, I didn't really have much of a choice, as I put the pain in a little box and made my way over to the bathroom, trying not to dejavu the first time I used it.The shower was quick, as the water droplets camouflaged with the single tear drop that hadn't yet flown. I rinsed my hair and cleaned my body, before stepping out, drying myself and then slipping into a comfortable pair of hoodie and sweats. I then combed my tangles, put on a layer of moisturizer, dumped my last minute things into the suitcase and shut it tight, before taking in that this was it. This was the end.
My head bobbled as I sunk down into my phone and called myself an Uber. It said it would take 10 minutes, so I snapped my phone shut and glanced around the room, as well as under the best to make sure I hadn't left anything important-it was a typical habit that my siblings had taught me while on vacation-always look under the beds and couch incase something found its way in.
After not finding anything that belonged to me, I sighed and held my forehead that was beginning to feel slightly dizzy. I wondered if Dylan had any aspirin in the kitchen cabinet- if he still wasn't home, then I could slip some in and leave. I think that way it would be better for the both of us- no awkward goodbye.My fingers wrapped themselves around the suitcase handle, and grabbed the mini hand carry- which contained both my passport and flight ticket. Now, as luck would have it, Dylan was seated on the couch dressed in a suit and tie- with his laptop on his lap.
No aspirin.
I grumbled, as he locked eyes with me.
"Hey."
He broke the silence, as I did the same.
"I'm just leaving."
I muttered, as a part of me wanted to ask him why he was dressed so fancy this early in the morning. Was it his hearing? Did they shift it to today?
I rattled my mind as I immediately stopped.. that wasn't my concern anymore.. he wasn't my concern anymore.
"Okay. Do you need help taking your suitcase down?" He offered with that stupid smile on his face- the same smile that gave me butterflies- even with a million pounds of heartache weighting over me- his one action was strong enough to disintegrate all of it.
"No, I can do it myself." I answered ignoring the dopamine rush.He didn't push it- and I was grateful for that. I didn't ask him any further questions either, and after waiting a moment to see if he had anything left to say. I made my way to the door. Just by the doorknob, I waited again for a goodbye, a signal, a hug, a gesture, a sole word but when I got nothing from him, I knew that this was really it. It was crazy how everything we had planned just came crashing down within a matter of seconds, but life was like that- sudden.
My exhausted legs supported my body in moving forward, as I opened the door and walked towards the elevator. With one press of a button, out the building. My eyes immediately caught sight of the white tainted Ford- which after confirming that this in fact was the taxi I ordered, I dropped my luggage into the trunk and scooted myself onto the comfortable leather seat. I was relieved to see that the driver was a female, and after little chatter, I relaxed my back and fell into a short lived nap.
When I awoke from my vivid dream of my head against Dylan's skin, I squirmed and wiped the drool off my face. I wasn't sure how long I was asleep for, but the minute I woke up- we were already at the airport. So, I paid the lady, unloaded my belongings, politely refused help from the porter and headed towards international departure. I did make sure to stop by the medical store and buy a packet of aspirin- my head wouldn't be too pleased with me, had I not done that. My fingers hastily peeled off two pills from the packet, as I popped them into my mouth, stored the rest in my handbag and then waited for them to announce my flight.
The wait wasn't too long, and I was soon boarded- I did text my mom just before taking off, since that was the responsible thing to do. I was lucky enough to be seated on the window isle, next to a 5 year old boy with frizzy hair and rounded specks, and his mother- who gave me a bright smile as she drowned herself in a Nicholas Sparks novel. The little boy- who I learnt was named William- asked if he could borrow my seat for a while, and we bonded over the view that the little piece of glass provided.
Talking to him made me reminisce about my relationship with Austin, as I wished I could have given him a proper goodbye. I also thought I owed everyone at the internship a farewell, but alas things do happen for reasons, and so I tried not to let those loose ends bother me. I also tried very hard not to think of Dylan and his story about the airplane conquest, so after William fell asleep with his head on my shoulder, I distracted myself by rewatching the last 5 episodes of Gossip Girl.
The flight wasn't too long, and we landed about as safely as was expected. I said goodbye to William and his mother as we got off the plane. With the next hour being spent getting through customs, and obtaining the baggage, I felt almost exhausted as I craved a good sleep- one that didn't involve tears or moving vehicles.
I then switched my US sim back on, and wasn't too shocked to see that I hadn't gotten a single text from Dylan. I didn't let that bother me though, as I faked a smile and headed out the door, only to see a family of four waiting to greet me.
"My baby's here."
My mother approached me as she flung her hands around my shoulders and forced me to return the hug.
"Hi mom."
I muttered, as my eyes met her lovely hazel iris- I always wanted to inherit that color, but my sister beat me to it. Lauren also inherited my mother's perfectly symmetrical face, rose berry lips, glowing skin and small shaped nose, and you could make that out by the fact that she looked like an exact replica of mom. It took me a second because I had almost forgotten how uncanny their resemblance was, but one look at the two of them, and it all dove back in.
Marc greeted me before Luaren did though, as he embraced me in a side hug. He was the one I had similar features to- we were both gifted to look more like our father- brown pigmented eyes, slightly chubby cheeks and a crease that formed between our eye brows every time we frowned.
"Welcome back, rascal."He took my suitcase from my hand, as I punched him back with an insult.
"Good to see you too, asshole."I giggled, as my mother rolled her eyes in disapproval, but my father just chuckled a laugh behind her.
"I hate you for getting married and not even telling me." I practically yelled as Lauren hugged me, with my nose inhaling her scent of Victoria Secret's new vanilla fragrance- had she bought the new stock without me? I felt betrayed but knew I'd discuss that with her at a later time.
"I texted you the second I got engaged. Maybe try replying to your family members every once in a while." She perfectly countered my complaint, as I frowned, letting her go."A text isn't nearly enough."
I retorted, as my dad patted my back, as I finished all my greetings.
"Right. I'll send you a postcard next time." Lauren rolled her eyes, as I kissed my dad on the cheek and with a smile, made my way to the black Mercedes.
The air conditioner was immediately turned on, as I recalled how there was never any need for that in London. Sure, Boston wasn't as hot as Florida, but it wasn't as cold as London either- it was perfectly in the middle.
After we loaded the luggage into the backseat, and everyone hopped in, I grinned feeling slightly ecstatic, as for the first time since last night- I forgot about Dylan, as my eyes crossed a glimpse of the Atlantic Ocean, while the car sped across the harbor, and just like that, I knew that it would all be okay again.
YOU ARE READING
ALL THE LOVE WE LEAVE BEHIND
Romance"Remind me to get you shades." He shifted his weight off the counter, as he stepped onto the floor. "Whyy?" "So I don't fall for that eye thing." "What eye thing?" I asked, as my eyes gave away a puppy dog look. "Or a blindfold would do." "That wo...