ALL THE LOVE WE LEAVE BEHIND

Chapter 52

[1 year later]

"You look beautiful." Aidan's emerald eyes widened as they met mine, but just as quickly as that happened, I looked away.

"Thank-you." I faintly whispered, as I gulped down a third sip of the ice mint lemonade, and ignored his futile attempts at keeping this date going. I wished, like me, he would have just accepted that this was a disaster from the start, but unlike me, he wasn't mourning the demise of an ex.

Okay. I wasn't grieving about Dylan, I was doing a lot worse: not accepting the reality of him never waking up. His parents had accepted it and moved on with their lives- well, his mother was still here, living in an apartment just 5 minutes from the hospital. But his dad had gone back to Boston, because he had a business to run. He did check up on his son, paid the medical bills, and regularly sent his wife money, but that was it.

Dylan's friends had also stopped sending flowers, and now it had come down to just texts and very rare calls, which I understood, since it had been an entire 365 days since the accident and people had to move on with their lives, but it made me question: do people even love you? Or are they just there to fill in the gaps for a short period, and once you leave- that's it. Then again, I'd be a hypocrite if I said I hadn't done my best to move on as well, because I had, which again proved my point, but at the end of the day- it's what had to be done.

A year ago, I was a girl that fell in love with someone and made a dumb promise to stay by their side for as long as it took, but now.. now I was on a date with a curly haired, green eyed jock from my art class, as I struggled to keep myself from feeling the guilt of abandoning Dylan, abandoning my promise, abandoning us.

I still visited him, everyday. I even stayed with his mother on the weekends because her apartment was closer to the hospital than my campus was. I stayed true to my word and never left Florida. I also never went in search of love again. Until today- but even this was just a favor to Lexi, who expressed her concern for me to move on and live a little, and after not accepting my countless rejections on the topic, I agreed to go on one singular date, which as expected was a total waste of time. I didn't blame Aiden for that though. He was a nice guy. I was just not in the place for anything nice to take place, unless it meant Dylan miraculously being revived.

"Have you decided what you're going to opt for?" Aiden struck a familiar topic- we needed to decide what art field each of us were going in- I shrugged my shoulders at the question and bent my gaze down to admire the fine work done on the laid table cloth.

"Probably interior designing." I let out my decision, as my fingers danced along the lace the restaurant designer must have used. It was delicate, but firm, like a tightrope in a circus show, making me wonder how many of these they made?

"Really? Why is that?"

Aiden probed the questions, but my mind had already given up.

There really was no point in letting this go on any further. It was like I was wasting both our time and for what? What if I did fall in love with this stranger? What would happen then? He'd just die- or worse- fall into a sleeping beauty state, making it unclear on whether one should let go or keep holding on. That's the worst pain of all. Not loving, nor letting go- but it's not knowing which one you're supposed to do.

"Aiden, I'm sorry. I just can't do this."My lips exhaustively let out, as he sighed in a way that told me he wasn't oblivious to my state.

"It's him isn't it?" He wasn't asking, but I nodded my head anyway.

Of course he knew. Everyone around campus knew that I was the girl that lost her boyfriend in a crash, and despite them never saying it to my face, I was aware they had their fair share of opinions on the topic. Statements like, I feel bad for her, she must be so depressed. If I were in her place I'd die, we passed around like candy in a fair. But as long as they weren't said directly to me, I didn't care.