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Vivian

3:53am 3/21/2021

I have grown ill, I dont know what it is but whenever I'm brought food or seek out food once every few days I smell it and feel repulsed by it, my once favorite foods bring bile into my mouth. I'm losing weight rapidly and while it may seem like a good thing, I grow frail and tired. I sleep most of my days away and when I want to stay awake fatigue hits me hard. I force feed myself even when I can feel myself starting to gag from the food, one would compare myself to Kaneki if I was in good moods. I can taste the food and tastes really good but once it goes down my throat it feels like foreign matter. I can feel it in my stomach as if it doesnt belong. 
My dreams consist of the things I think of before sleep, say I think about Kaeya. I dream of him, say I thought about the things my ex and I did, I'd dream of him. These dreams feel like they're getting more and more realistic, I can see every detail and feel them when I embrace them. I would prefer my dream state but I always wake up covered in sweat, I always keep the fan on now since it's always hot. 

I'm not bothered by my lonliness as much anymore, sleep has taken up most of my time and I spend my time awake indulged in videogames.