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Heavenly Bodies

8:10pm May 17th 2021 Monday
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I'm seeing a boy named Ivan, he's a weeb and he's kind of cute but I don't plan to be in a longterm relationship with him, he's going to be 21 soon so I plan to be with him so he can buy me alcohol, he's in College and has a car, he lives in Green Valley Ranch.
I'm going to a party on Saturday and there's gonna be alcohol and honestly that's the only reason I'm going. Bad idea I know but fuck I want to drink.

Israel and I did the dirty,I took his virginity and we never talked again lol

Angel is feeling lonely again, I send him memes to cheer him up and I hope it helps in any way.

Kasper and I are talking a little, he's worse I think. He barely responds to my texts but I still send them either every day or every other day, telling him that I hope he takes care of himself and that he has a good day, i know it isn't much but I hope he knows I care for him.

Thats all the updates. Here's what I'm thinking about right now.

I lost that old me, I thought I was holding onto her so I could be vulnerable in a better environment but I tried to cry, I tried to think of the sad but it didn't work, I didn't cry. I have nothing to cry about, I feel like something is wrong. Like there's a churning in my gut but everything around me is okay, I don't know if I should chalk it up to the drugs paranoia, my anxiety, or if I'm trying to be scared of something so I can stop.
I sound crazy, I don't want to type these things and the wrong people read them. Moral of the story, there are multiple me's in my head and the one who I think is the true me is still there. I was worried that I would've lost her. I can't type right now, I'm gonna go take a nap.
Later,