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Untitled Part 41

11:44pm 4/8/2021

I didnt see him today but I have done a lot of thinking and instead of going in blind, i've come up with what i should say.

A, I wanted to give you this back. I found it when i was going through my things and I knew I couldnt throw it away or keep it for myself, It doesnt belong to me and I dont want you to throw this away or burn it. Keep it and read it everyday if you will, I know you think of yourself as a bad person but from the time we were together, You've shown me how good you are. You did do bad things but that doesnt mean you are a bad person, youve only done things for the most good intentions. You may be doing bad things now and you may think that you've lost all the good in you but I disagree. i know you are good...

If you want to be with her I wont stop you, I want to help you from that loop, I want to tell you that I've always loved you and I will love you for the good things and I will love you for the bad things, I will love you for all the good things you will do in the future and I will love you for all the bad things you'll do as well. I wont pick and choose parts of you that I like for I will love you as a whole. I accept you for the good and bad you did in the past and I accept you for the person you are now. I accept the person you will be in the future because in the end, it will always be you. 

I dont want you to hate yourself for what you've become, you are what you chose for this moment of time. Even if that means you have to do bad to survive, you will do what you have to, I wont be the one to judge, I wont be the one to guide you away from the bad things for only you can do that. I can only tell you my thoughts and feelings and watch which path you'll choose. If you choose to live your life without me, I'll be okay with it. I wont stalk you for the rest of our lives or keep asking if you want me. I'll accept what you choose and move on with my life, I only want you to be happy and if its without me in it, I'll be okay with that answer.

If you choose to live your life with me, a lot of things will be different from the last time we were together. I wont make promises that I'll change myself completely but trust that I will do what I think is best for us, it isnt a me relationship but an us relationship. I want to see us both succeed and to have whats best for the both of us, I'll do my best to say no, to be open from what i'm feeling and to let you know me inside and out. I want you to accept me as I am and if at any time you feel doubts about who I am or you choose to not be with me, I wont be mad or sad. I will love you with or without me. Know that this isnt me letting you step all over me, this is me accepting you as a person. I'm willing to change but im also willing to tell you what you need to change as well, I want us to work through the problems as adults and partners. 

Thank you for coming all the way out here to meet and talk to me, it must've been hard for you and I'd like to hear what you have to say, if you want to ask me anything or if you want to leave you are welcome to. I wont stop you or object any questions.