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L.UU

10:43am 3/22/2021

2 days ago, I went on a "date" online, more of we played games and did things together. It was very cute and unexpected, the person who asked me was a random who joined my world and asked me to the Windblum Festival, saying "would you like to be my date to The Windblum Festival" I said of course and we did some target shooting, gliding and he serenaded me with his musical instrument. We explored an unnamed island together and did some fighting together, it was about an hour long but I had so much fun. I can't stop thinking about it because it was so cute, even though I probably arent on that persons mind. I cant help but think of the things that could've came from that. I genuinely had fun and wish I could contact them again but I'm afraid they've forgotten me, I remember their GT and name, I wish I had the courage to speak to them again but I shall move on with my life,.

I havent slept in 26 hours, I showered for the first time in awhile and I'm afraid to sleep, I love sleeping but I miss out on the day.
I feel as if my only source of happiness is coming from random strangers online and reading fanfiction about my comfort characters. No matter what i do or who i imagine, I always feel this deep emptiness inside me. No amount of fanfiction or videogames can fill that desire of love, I know it's too early to find myself in a committed relationship but I wish to love again, I wish to find the quirkiness of my partner and what makes them tick, to make them overbeared with joy and make them always content with what I have to offer. I won't find what i'm looking for on my games but I can always try, I am thinking about reaching out to my ex Jei but with my current friendgroup they dont like him, they had some bad fallout in the past and I know I'd be betraying their trust and I'm torn but it seems like it's better to not get involved with him. I wished to fix him, make him realize his actions have consequences but he is already aware and doesn't care. I wanted to make him better, to make him my pride and joy but it seems like im projecting onto him. I thought love could fix anything but with him, he needs to fix himself. 

It's hard to stay awake when the hands of sleep caress your mind like silk, the soft lulls of sleep sound like the whispering of my love beckoning me to bed. The plush bed welcoming my warmth and constricting my arms to a deep slumber, it reminds me of the comfort my love once gave me. Even just closing ones eyes makes a gentle wave of relaxation wash over me, the cold walls i place my hands on soothes the heat coming from wearing layers of clothing. I predict to sleep until 7pm. Until I update again, 

Yours Truly.