Diary of a Teenage Zombie || ONC 2021

Is it day 5 already?

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. I was crouching in a big Bush; one stick pointing towards my rear and another thoroughly lodged in the middle of my right hand, as I peeked through the leaves plotting my revenge. With Judy’s death still raw, the only thought that passed through my mind was; mmm brains—zombie killer brains.

They were approaching the boys, guns raised. The kids looked surprised as their attention was drawn away from my bush and toward the deadly threat that stalked them from behind. I needed to do something!

I scanned the area and noticed a thick wire above the kids’ heads. My gaze followed the wire all the way to a tree on the far side of the playground. It was a zipline that was conveniently attached to a wooden platform halfway up the large tree—perfect. Straight away I went into hero mode. I was going to roll on in; save the kids and kick some ass at the same time. My plan was foolproof!

As quiet as a mouse, I eased back out of the bush, going really slow as not to alert the Hunter’s to my location and foil my super freaking awesome plan. Once free, I looked at my skewered hand—that was going to have to go. Pain for me now subsides a lot faster than normal, but at the moment the pain occurs—mother fudger hurts! I crouched next to my backpack and braced for that moment of excruciating pain. 

“One, two, three, pull!” I whispered, trying to hype myself up. 

I chickened out. “Come on Toby, don’t be a wuss! Do you think Judy would hesitate, no freaking way!” My pep talk to myself was kinda working. 

“For Judy!” I closed my eyes and ripped that sucker out.

“Mother fudging dickface!” Oh, shit, that was loud. 

But as luck would have it, at that same moment there was a zombie possum that launched itself out of a tree at Hunter number one’s face. Sadly, the furry little ball of pure rage was shot midway through the air by hunter number two. What a coconut! “Thanks for the distraction little buddy. You're a martyr for the cause. ”

Crap, the guys were closing in on the kids; I had to hurry. Not wanting to use Moe's gun because my aim wasn’t so great with my floppy hand and now the other was all bloody and stiff. I decided the element of surprise was the best course of action. Quickly and quietly, I climbed the tree ladder (which was no easy feat, might I add). Once at the top, I found a sharp stick and thought it would make a perfect sword for some stabbing action. 

I placed the stick under my arm and wrapped my legs around the little rubber seat, then held on tight to the chain. I pushed back as far as I could and launched myself towards the guys who were now standing by the end of the line, their guns aimed at the boys heads.

“Chooo hooo,” I yelled as the wind whipped through my hair—reminding of when I used to stick my head out the back window of our family wagon, only to have Dad scream at me to get back in the car before a massive truck decapitated me. Those were the days. 

Then, unexpectedly, a bug flew into my gaping mouth, making me choke. With no other option, I hesitantly swallowed it—mmm, not bad, actually. After momentarily losing my concentration, my stick fell to the ground with a clatter, damn it! I refocused in on my goal once more. But to my complete surprise the two zombie hunters were being ripped limb from limb by the three young boys. One was peeling the guy’s scalp off his head—oh, wow, that’s disturbing!

When I finally got to the bottom, I jumped off right next to the scene of carnage. The boy’s were really going to town, and now a girl who looked around my age had joined them. The burned boy finally took a break from munching on a tongue and looked up at me.

“Oh, hey. Thanks for the distraction, man. We normally get Charlie’s sister Meg to do the honours, but you were way cooler!” He said pointing over at the normal-looking kid and the girl. “I’m Jack by the way, and this one legged freak is Archie.”

I nodded at Jack and Archie as they went back to swallowing some tongue. Then turned to Meg—the bait. She was pretty, in a shy nerdy kinda way. Her long dark hair hung over half of her face where I could see a line of red, bloody flesh peaking out at the edge. She was wearing a baggy hoodie and jeans. Yeah, she was cute; I suppose.

“Hey, you want some?” Asked Charlie. He and his sister were sharing one meat sack, while Jack and Archie greedily feasted on the other.

“Ah, is the Pope a zombie? Of course I want some!”

We finished those poor suckers in no time, all that was left were their bones and appendix—they really are a totally useless appendage, and they taste foul too. It was then time to move on—two down, but I still had the other four to go, including the one who shot Judy. I was still a man with a mission.

“Thanks for the midnight snack guys, but I best be off.”

“You sure you don’t want to join us? There’s always some poor sucker who thinks we’re harmless because we’re kids. Makes me laugh every time,” said Jack.

“As tempting as that sounds, I have an important mission to complete.”

“Oh really, what kind of mission?” Charlie asked, I could sense some excitement in his tone.

“I have to save the prettiest girl in class and decapitate her captors! Then I'll probably eat their brain,” I replied in my best English accent. 

At my words, Charlie’s eyes lit up. “Can we come? Maybe we could help. Meg knows some great distraction techniques.” He looked over at Meg, who seemed a little unsure.

“Dude! What about us?” Asked Jack.

“You guys will be fine. Just recruit some more helpers. It’s easy, just try not to rip them to bits before they turn.”

“Actually, that could be fun. We could make a game out of it—like a quiz game. Right answer you get to be a zombie, wrong answer, you get to be lunch,” Archie said, speaking for the first time.

Ok, that’s somewhat slightly disturbing for a ten-year-old. Even I’m not that sadistic. 

“I guess it would be easier to rescue Tiff with more than just my broken arse. You're hired.”

I grabbed my backpack and we left Jack and Archie as they went off to scout for a new posse and we headed in the direction the two bloodied skeletons had come from. One step closer to avenging Judy and saving the day. I looked over at Meg as we walked through the shadows of the park. She had her hood up and arms folded as she kept close to her brother. She stole a glance at me, and I could have sworn I saw a hint of a smile. 

She’s sitting across from me now as I write this latest entry. She’s pretending to be asleep, but I know she isn’t, because we don’t sleep. It’s kinda cute, actually. I’m glad I met Charlie and Meg, it’s not much fun being a lonely zombie. Two days was definitely more than I could bear. Let’s just hope I can look after them better than I did Judy.

Word count: 1284