Fantasies

Hardest To Love

Dedicated to MilaCamendes who gave me the idea to write a one shot based on "Hardest to Love" by The Weekend.

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"Camila please! Please baby open the door!" I yell as I bang on her door in the middle of the night.

This wasn't how it was supposed to end.

We were never supposed to end.

She'd been going on for weeks trying to pull away from me, trying to make her presence in my life less and less.

But why?

What had she done?  What had I done?

She had yet to tell me and it's been eating me up inside. The nights we spent in bed together over the past few weeks had never felt so strange; it was like we were together, but always alone. When I reached for her, she pulled away. It just didn't make any sense. Things had been so, so good.

"Camila please open the door!" I yell again. One of her neighbors across the hall opening his door to tell me to shut up because it was "so bloody late." Angry old British guy; always a grump. Despite her angry neighbor, I continue to pound on her door.

Which used to be our door, this place was our home. She kicked me out two weeks ago.  She'd told me she wasn't "feeling it" with me anymore and that I needed to leave her behind because she didn't love me anymore. 

"Don't you get it Shawn?  I've done nothing but hurt you since we met!  Skipping dates, not coming home to you at night.  You don't even question me, you just go on loving me like you trust me!  What an idiot.  I can't believe you still feel anything for me"

She screamed at me that night; the night she kicked me out for good.  I knew that she was going to be hard to love, I knew that from the moment I met her.  They say the eyes are the windows to a person's soul, I believe that.  I should've know... but the night we met, her soul was begging me to help her.  She'd been laying cold, and almost naked in the park I run through every day.  Her sobs echoed through the trees, almost defining.  Being the man that I am, I knew I couldn't leave her there.  I approached her, offering to call someone for her, or take her to the hospital; neither of which she wanted.  Against my better judgement, I took off my sweatshirt and wrapped her in it; she'd let me.  When her eyes met mine for the first time, I saw the hurt, the pain; everything she must've been carrying inside; but I also saw a twinkle of something else.  In that moment, her chocolate brown eyes locked with mine and I was a goner.  I'd never seen someone so beautiful.  She took my breath away, and every day since then.  Even the nights she came home late and wouldn't speak to me, the mornings she strolled in smelling of other men.

I don't know why but despite all that, I knew she wasn't hurting me.  Nothing she was doing was to hurt me.  She was being faithful, I could feel it in my bones; which is why I stayed.  I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone.  I never regretted the day we met or the time we spent; none of it.

That's why every day since then I've been coming here, trying to get her to talk to me; to look at me. I have to keep trying for her.  I know what we have is metaphorically dead inside, and I might be foolish for acting like at least a part of us is still alive, but God if love doesn't make you do crazy things.

After another hour of silence and no Camila, I decide to leave for now. I'll be back tomorrow.

Camila's POV

I don't know why he keeps trying. I kicked him out two weeks ago. I've been trying to make it hard to love me because his whole world is about to come crashing down.