Fantasies

Just A Fantasy

"BREAKING NEWS! Camila Cabello Spotted Getting Cozy with Mystery Man Months After Shawn Mendes Break-Up."

As Shawn read the article and angrily thumbed through all the attached photos, he couldn't help but get that pang of regret in his gut again.  Over and over since he'd suggested they end things romantically, he'd get this nagging feeling in his gut and an aching feeling in his chest every time he saw news of his former lover and friend.  Yes, they'd agreed to remain friends; which he stupidly thought would keep him connected to her despite the internal battle raging inside him telling him no one goes from friends to lovers and then back to friends again.  It just didn't happen that way.  He'd been so consumed with getting himself figured out without the help of a woman; his best friend mind you, that he'd decided going separate ways was what was best for them both.  Never mind she was there for him, his biggest cheerleader and confidant, when he needed it.  Now... he didn't have her support or love at all. 

Things seemed forced and strained between him and Camila after she'd removed every piece of their once shared lives together from her house and his condo.  They'd tried to keep a friendship going for appearances sake, but he could tell it wouldn't last long.  The once gorgeous deep brown eyes he'd get to stare lovingly at as he held her or was deeply inside her, now seemed faint, dulled, and distant.  He had no one to blame but himself.  Don't get him wrong though, they gave it the old college try.  Attempting to salvage what was left of a friendship.

However, the first time he'd told her he had slept with someone else since they broke up, she pretended to be happy for him, but he could see how she shrunk back into herself while they FaceTimed.  And let's not forget the first time she told him that she'd been on a simple date with someone who'd been pursing her since her 25th birthday party which he'd drunkingly forgot about.  The rage coursing through his veins led to half his belongings either shattered to pieces or in a different part of his Canadian condo entirely.  They soon came to realize it hurt more trying to hold on to any semblance of a friendship than it did to just support each other from a distance. 

God, the more he thought about it, the more he got pissed with himself.  Not only had his relationship ended with Camila entirely, he lost the love and support of her family.  His own family seemed strained at the news when it first broke because he'd been to cowardly to tell them in person.  He'd tried to mask the pain with drinking and going on "wellness retreats" with hot shamans and other beautiful views, but he'd yet to find anything remotely close to filling to Camila sized hole in his heart. 

Why?... why had he thrown away his only constant for years?  Why had he thought "being a man" about his mental health and life in general was better than trying to figure it all out together with the woman he loved?

He had fantasies about him coming to his senses and him and Camila getting back together.  He'd gravel at her feet and apologize profusely until she'd forgive him and take him back.  Those were the best fantasies... but that's all they ever were.. just fantasies.

"Another round Mr. Mendes?" the bartender asked.  "Yeah man, keep it coming" he answered as he slammed his phone down on the mahogany bar top.  They'd both moved on.  He'd been spotted several times with a fellow blonde singer; although he knew that was just for appearances; and she'd been seen going on dates with different guys, so why did it still eat him alive every time he saw her happy and trying to move on?

As the bartender placed another glass of whiskey in front of him, he gave a slight nod in acknowledgement, slammed the drink back, and ordered another.  This was a repetitive cycle until he could numb himself enough to not feel anything.  It'd be just his luck that tonight was different.  After another round, he'd closed his eyes and almost groaned out loud as the beautiful Latina he'd once had everything with came into view.  She was dressed in one of her skimpy little outfits out by their pool with no bra on.  He'd always loved when she did that.  Her nipples always seemed taunt against the fabric, or lack thereof, when she'd prance around their place.  He'd loved it even more when he'd wrap himself around her from behind, kissed his way up her neck and watched as her nipples peaked in arousal just for him.  Her breathy moans filled his ears and his senses became heightened.  He'd love getting her this way.  He'd loved the affect he'd had on her.  She'd willingly give into both their desires when the time was right.