When Shit Went Down (Warrior Cat FanFic)

Chapter 8 - Gooseleg's POV

It was a warm morning, even with the chilly breeze blowing through the treetops. I laid beside the medicine den with my chin on my paws and my tail flicking behind me. It was early and I was about the only cat awake. Snakeslither had just come back from hunting a few heartbeats ago, laying his pigeon and mouse in the empty fresh-kill pile. Thanks to Ineedmorebigmacsbelly, we were always empty by the end of the day. Usually, the sane cats didn't get any so the insane could eat.

As I watched Snakeslither and Bluecloud sit together to talk, OCDstar ducked out of his hollowed log den. "What is this?" He yowled, spinning around. "What is it, OCDstar?" Bloodpiss meowed anxiously, hurrying out of the warriors den. "Leaves! Everywhere! Clean it up! Someone clean it up!" The leader yelled, gathering the leaves in the center of the camp, his tail bushy and eyes wide. No one joined him.

As the crazy leader gathered the majority of the leaves, a gust of wind came and blew the pile through the camp again as well as adding more from the trees.

"CURSE YOU, DEADCLAN!" He screamed, looking up at the sky. Then he continued on gathering the gold and red leaves. "We should give him Thyme." Kissmyass suggested, sitting beside me with narrowed eyes. I shook my head. "Catmint is the only thing that'd work, really." I groaned. "Well, aren't we in luck," My apprentice sighed, "We're almost out. Again. We'll have to go see StonerClan." I nodded but didn't reply.

Kissmyass went over to calm the leader while I sat back and watched the Clan wake. IcantbelieveImnotbutterface was one of the first to come out, Fartcloud and Greenshit hurrying out as well. Toomanypersonalitiesstorm and Ineedmorebigmacsbelly scurried out soon after with Whisperwind stalking out wearily. Her ears twitched as if she heard something other than the wind.

As Fartcloud padded out to the fresh-kill pile, she loudly farted up a storm on her way. Ineedmorebigmacsbelly had tried to beat her to it, but he just couldn't wobble his way there fast enough. He started to pant from the "long" way to the pile of prey. "Those... Are mine..." Ineedmorebigmacsbelly panted. "I don't think you need it." Fartcloud meowed, sizing the cat up.

"Why are you such a fucking bitch?! I have a problem and you're judging me! How dare you, you judgemental bitch!" He gasped, "Oh my DeadClan, did you-" the fat tabby started to gag at the smell of Fartcloud's farts.

He gagged so much, he threw up a pile of vomit. Maybe he'll lose some weight if he throws up more often. I wondered, watching them. Fartcloud grabbed the pigeon and backed away before anyone noticed she'd been the cat to cause him to throw up. Ineedmorebigmacsbelly looked around to see if anyone was watching, then began to lick up his puke.

I began to gag myself as I couldn't get the image out of my mind. I turned my attention to IcantbelieveImnotbutterface as he sat alone under the shade of a trees branch with a worried expression on his face. Sighing, I decided to go check on the tom.

"Why do you look so worried?" I asked as I stood in front of him. He looked up and bombarded me with questions. "Are you sure I'm not butter? I have dreams of melting in the sun still. Its a sign, I know it. I'm butter. Is there a cure for being butter? Maybe I should ask DeadClan for answers." He murmured quickly. I rolled my eyes and reassured him, "You're not butter. You look like butter but I assure you, you're not," He looked up at me with a dramatic look of hope.

"We can give you some herbs to calm you, but only you can convince yourself fully that you're a cat." IcantbelieveImnotbutterface nodded and stood up. "Do you have the herbs? Can I have some now? What are they?" He asked in a rush. I felt myself becoming more agitated so I didn't answer, just padded away to get the Catmint. IcantbelieveImnotbutterface followed on my heels.

I entered the den, grabbed the last of the herbs and scooted them over to the tom so he could eat them. Without questioning - thank DeadClan - he ate them and dipped his head. "Toomanypersonalitiesstorm, take Lightpaw and Darkpaw out to hunt. Don't come back until you have at least two pieces of prey from each of you!" I heard Bloodpiss announce. I ducked out of the den again to see if any drama would go down.

Of course, the tom had to make a scene. The ginger tom groaned and stomped his foot on the ground. "I don't want to! I don't even remember how to fucking hunt!" He whined. I rolled my eyes.

"Go! You know how to hunt and I trust Lightpaw and Darkpaw will be able to learn how to be more quiet, too." Bloodpiss stated, giving the ginger tom a stubborn look.

"You guys are all assholes!" Toomanypersonalitiesstorm muttered as he headed to the apprentices den. "I'll go on a patrol. I think my shitting problem is getting better with the herbs Gooseleg and Kissmyass gave me." Greenshit suggested, flicking her tail.

Bloodpiss nodded and mewed, "We'll go out to renew the border marks with AssClan." Greenshit and Bloodpiss padded out quietly with Toomanypersonalitiesstorm, Lightpaw, and Darkpaw close behind. The bipolar tom looked quite exited all of a sudden, skipping out of the camp. Kissmyass padded up to me, leaving the curled up leader alone. "When are we going to get the Catmint?"

"I will go out with one of the guards. In case something happens, you'll stay here." I meowed. She dipped her head in agreement. "Bluecloud, can you come with me to StonerClan to get Catmint?" I called across the camp. "WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO YELL?!" Deathstone screamed from his place outside of the elders den. "We weren't yelling, Deathstone." Bluecloud meowed as she padded up to me. "WHAT? SPEAK UP!" The grouchy elder yelled, sitting up.

"Damn young cats these days, always muttering!" He growled loudly. Bluecloud shook her head and then gestured to me with her tail to lead the way. "We'll go now."
***
We headed into StonerClans stinky, empty territory with the sun high in the sky. Clouds had started to blow through the bright blue sky just as we left camp, a shade of light grey in their fluffiness.

Just as we crossed into their territory, the emptiness of the territory changed as four stoners came into view. Cracknose, Dopebreath, Methpaw, and Weedsmoke were in the patrol. "What kind of name is Cracknose anyway? Don't Twolegs smoke crack?" Bluecloud muttered. I didn't answer since the patrol halted in front of us. "We need Catmint. Will you bring your leader and medicine cat here to discuss this?" I asked.

Weedsmoke came forward. "You can't just come here and ask for our supplies." He purred. "Our cats are in a panic constantly and we know you have a large amount of the only safe drug to give them." I insisted.

"Give us some of your territory and we'll leave some in a log or something," Weedsmoke decided, sizing the guard up. "And let me have my way with this sexy she-cat." The blue she-cat unsheathed her claws and let her teeth show in a warning snarl. "Touch me and you won't have anything to touch she-cats with any longer." Bluecloud hissed. He only winked at her.

"You can have some territory, but nothing more. We meet at the new border line at dusk. If you're not here by then, Bloodpiss, Bluecloud, Snakeslither, and Cannibalcorpse will come into your camp and steal your drug stash and kill anyone in our way." I threatened, flicking my tail. I padded to a log on our side of our territory, and marked the new line. "Here, and no further." I growled, padding away with Bluecloud on my heels.