eventually * HIDDLESTON

15 - 07:28

LIBBY FRENCH
        march 24th 2019
07:28 AM

once again, tom and myself found each other on the wide space of his bed- however this time, clothes remained on each other's bodies, and instead we were writing the letters on our list.

i was reading though a book that tom had placed on the side; i wouldn't exactly say reading, i was skimming over the words, unable to focus as a sickly feeling impaled my lower stomach over and over again.

tom was typing away at his laptop, placed comfortably on his lap, the fan from beneath the body was the loudest noise in the room.

i knew tom deserved a moment of privacy during the writing of the letter- whether he wanted it or not, he needed it. i silently removed myself from the situation and dragged my heavy body towards the bathroom.

i didn't want to cry- not in toms bathroom, not in toms house. i didn't want to cry, fullstop. the grip i had on the sink was tightening rather quickly, my breathing became heavy as i stared at my face in the oval mirror.

this was it, the last day i'd ever experience on this earth. maybe there is somewhere after this life, on a cloud floating through the air. or perhaps we move to a different planet.

although these thoughts would seem rather calming, they did nothing to calm my deep rooted fear of death, in all honesty it increased my fears at least five levels.

i will no longer be there to wake up before nine thirty and walk to the café down the road from me, or say good morning of my old neighbour wayne. i won't be able to listen to the soft singing of that one bird that i never knew the name of, sat on that one branch outside of my window.

i truly took this life for granted, i was satisfied with where i was, not moving up, not moving down, i was comfortable. i now wholeheartedly wish i was pushed, testing my limits, moved higher up my chain of life. but now all i'm left with regrets and there is hardly anything i can do about it.

i didn't hear tom enter the bathroom, i didn't see tom stood in the doorway, pale faced and fully of sympathy, like he wasn't going through the same thing right now. i didn't feel his presence until i was snapped out of my state, with red wet cheeks, and warm arms encircling my body, holding me tightly,