And Then I Knew (J.G.)

Part Two: Going Back

"Olivia?"

"Jack? What are you doing here?" I asked as I stood up to hug him.

"I go to school here!" he said with a laugh.

"Johnson, why didn't you tell me you got in? I thought you were going to San Jose."

"I didn't know if you still considered me your friend after how everything went down with you and Jack... I guess I didn't know-"

"Is he... here?"

"Jack?"

"Yeah."

"We rented an apartment together just down a few blocks. He's probably playing xbox as we speak."

I managed to force a laugh. Jack and I haven't spoken since we hooked up at the football game. I remember how right it felt to be with him again and how much I wanted him, but as soon as it was over, he drove me home and that was it. The next day at school I saw him in the hall and right as I was about to say hi, he pushed passed me, completely ignoring me. I turned around to see where he was rushing to, and I saw a girl wrapped in his arms. I had never seen her before but I later found out that she had just transferred here and her and Jack had been dating for a few weeks. I told myself right then and there that I would never get back together with Jack and that I should just forget about him. The rest of the school year went by slowly, each day that I had to see Jack with another girl felt like the longest day of my life. There would be an occasional moment where he and I would make eye contact and I felt like maybe he would come apologize to me, or at least say "Hey." but I eventually realized that he wouldn't. I really wanted us to work out in the end,I really did, but I was just so tired of trying. I loved him too much to try and bear the awkward small talk and smiles in the hallway. It was like, if I couldn't be with him the way I needed to be, then I couldn't be near him at all. I loved him in a way that I don't think anyone could understand. I still love him, in a way that even I don't understand.

"So," he began, clearing his throat. "Do you want to see him?" If only he knew how much I wanted to see him. How much I wanted to talk to him, touch him, feel his arms pulling me tightly to his chest.

"I do but..." I struggled to think of how to turn my feelings into words.

"But, what?"

"I don't think I can. I don't even know if he wants to see me again."

"He does."

"How do you know?"

"Well for starters, he hasn't had a girlfriend in months and he wont even flirt with any girls at any of the parties we've been to so far,"
"That could be because of anything."

"All he talks about is you when he's high or drunk, some really sappy stuff, seriously he won't shut up about you, it drives me crazy."
"He does not."

"Oh he does. So much so that I know so much about you, honestly, a lot of things I wish I didn't... "

"Okay, okay!" We laughed together.

"Ya know, I really did think you guys we're good together." I nodded and looked at him, a smile appearing on my face. "And I know he did some pretty shitty things but... I think he might've learned from his mistakes." The smile is now fading from my face and I know that what I'm about to say could change my life, forever.

"Okay, I'll come over."

- - - - -

Johnson and I walk up to the door to his apartment. He shoves his hand in one of his pocket for a minute, then has both of his hands in his pockets. He turns to look back at me. "This is why I have a roommate." I laugh a little too much, nervously. What if he doesn't want to see me? He knocks on the door. What if Johnson was lying to me, and Jack doesn't want me back?

"Who is it?" I hear his voice coming from inside and now I'm really starting to get nervous.

"Jack maybe this was a bad idea... I don't know if I can-"

"It's me man, forgot my keys... again." Suddenly the door swings open. "Dude, I thought I told you to always check if you-" Jack's standing there in kakis and the hoodie I used to always steal. He looks at me, genuinely shocked. Johnson looks from him, to me, and back to him. "So... are you gonna let us come in?"

"Uh... yeah. Yeah, sorry." I look down at the ground as we walk in, trying hard to avoid his eyes. He slips his hands in his pockets and walks over to the kitchen. "So can I uh... do you want anything?" It feels so strange hearing his voice again. I clear my throat and reply.

"I'm fine." It's hard to even get those words out because I am definitely not fine right now. I'm sitting in Jack's apartment. The same Jack that was my first friend at Westside. The same Jack that I lost my virginity to. The same Jack that I loved. The same Jack that I still love.

Johnson stands up and walks over to the fridge. "I'm just gonna head to the store to get some groceries. Jack, do you need anything?"

"Nah man, I'm good." I shoot a look at Johnson, begging him not to go. He walks over towards me and grabs his phone from the coffee table. He whispers something to me as he's reaching for it. "You'll thank me later." and with that, he walks to the front door, and leaves. The apartment is completely silent except for the sound of the floor creaking as Jack walks over. He sits down on the couch beside me and and fidgets with his hands. He lets out a deep breath. "So I'm guessing you hate me." I swallow hard and shift uncomfortably. This was really not a conversation I thought I was ever going to have with him.

"I don't hate you." I can feel his eyes on me. "I guess I just... I don't know what happened to us." I say, still not looking at him. I feel his eyes avert from me and he rests his elbows on his knees. I finally look at him and his head is in his hands. When he sits back up, I look into his eyes and wait for him to say something.

"I've gone over this same situation in me head over and over again so that when I saw you again, I'd know exactly what to say." He sighs and looks away. "And I still don't know what I can say to make you forgive me. God, I was suck a jerk."

"That's a good start." I smile slightly.

"And a dick, and a douche, and a fucking ass." he says while smiling.

"Don't forget manwhore." we both laugh as he nods.

"And a manwhore." he chuckles. We sit there in silence for a moment after our laughs die down. "I missed this."

"Me too." he scoots closer to me on the couch as I turn to him.

"I missed you so fucking much." he whispers. He leans in slowly, "And I missed being able to do this..." he kisses me softly and all my feelings rush back. I remember everything about how his skin felt against mine, and how his lips felt on my neck. I pull away, and look from his lips, and back up to his eyes.

"I have to go." I get up from the couch and start to walk to the front door. He gets up too and grabs my arm. He pushes his body against mine and breathes hot air on my ear sending chills down my spine.

"Stay."