Not everything is Planned

Chapter 15

Tw: mention of suicide and self harm

JJs pov

Its been a few days since everything happened and I'm still not feeling myself. I mean how could i? Spencer's dead and its my fault.

"Hey JJ? You ok?" I hear Emily ask me.

"Oh, um yeah, yeah I'm fine." I say with a small, faked smile.

"Jen, talk to me.." she sighed. "I know you're not okay, and i am always here for you."

"Em.. i know ok?" I looked down at my feet. "We gotta go to work."

"You're not going to work today.."

"What? Em no. Why? I can still do my job!" I looked up at her.

"Jen.. you're not ok.."

"I am!" I yelled.

"You aren't! You haven't been able to function for 2 days. What makes you think you can go and function at work!?" She yelled back.

"Whatever." I scoffed. "You're right, im not functioning because my bestfriend is dead because of me!" I cried.

Emily hugged me, trying to confort me, but it doesn't help. Spencer is dead and its my fault.

I dont know how im going to live with myself, but i guess i need to be strong for Em... or atleast act strong.

Emilys pov

"Well, i still need to go to work, but I'll be back after." I said giving JJ a kiss on the forehead.

I headed to work not knowing if JJ will be ok. All i can do right now is hope that she will be ok. We don't have any cases, so it's just paper work today.

I walked into the bulding hearing Morgan and Garcia talking.

"You know maybe, just maybe if JJ would've stayed with Will, Reid would still be alive! " i was furious with Morgan right now.

"Maybe if JJ what now morgan?! JJ has done everything she could! It is not her fault that reid is dead!" I snapped.

"Actually it is! Her ex killed him! She dated the person who killed the person I was in love with!" Morgan shouted just relizing what he has said.

"Im sorry! But you can not blame JJ for this! She is already tearing her self up about this. She tried to fucking kill herself when she found out Reid flatlined. Im sorry Reid died, i really am, he was my bestfriend too, but you can not keep blaming JJ for this, she did absolutely nothing!" I yelled.

Morgan was going to say something else, but Hotch walked out of his office.

"What the hell is going on!?" Hotch yelled. "You two my office now!" He said pointing to both, Morgan and i.

"What the hell was that about!?" He said angrily as soon as he shut his door.

"Morgan was saying shit about JJ." I confessed.

"Evrything i said was true!" He snapped back.

"He's blaming Jen for Reids death, when we all know it was Will!" I say looking right back to Morgan.

"You guys can not act like this at work!" Hotch yelled. "We are all upset about Reids death. But Emily is right! Morgan you can not blame JJ for this, this was all Will, and we will catch this son of a bitch"

"Damn right we will." Morgan said agreeing with Hotch.

Wow, so he'll agree with Hotch, but not me. Wow so much for being my friend Derek Morgan.

As i left Hotches office i had to walk past Reids desk... or where he used to sit. And thats when everything suddenly hit me.. i was never going to hear one of Reids dumb jokes again, never get to see his smile, hear is laugh..

I broke down to the ground crying, Garcia running over me to me to confort me.

"Oh baby, shh its going to be ok." She said calming me down a bit.

I just relized that day i was never going to see my bestfriend ever again.. and you know that's hard as hell. My kids will never grow up knowing their uncle Reid..

By the end of the day Morgan and I had talked and made up i guess.. it was time to head home, and thats exactly what i did. I needed to get home and see JJ and make sure that she is alright.

I walked into the my apartment and yelled her name.

"JJ?"

I walked around a bit until i stopped infront of the bathroom where Jennifer Jareau stood with a knife in her hand and blood on her wrist.

"JENNIFER! What the hell are you doing!?" I yelled rushing over to her.

I held a cloth to JJs wrist hoping thag will slow down the bleeding.

"Im sorry Em.." she whispered.

"No JJ you're ok, you're going to be ok!" I said with tears in my eyes.

"Em.. p-please take care of Henry for me.." she cried.

I rushed her into my car and drove straight to the hospital. They got her wrists all cleaned up and stabled and i called the team.

"Hotch.. hey.. um JJ is in the hospital.." i said my eyes getting watery.

"What happened? Is she ok?" He asked worried.

"She's fine physically, but mentally no.."

"What do you mean?" He asked confused.

"She tried to kill herself... again Hotch.." i cried. "You need to get the rest of the team.. i need to call ber mother and let her and Henry know whats going on.." i say tears running down my face, and hung up on Hotch and called Sandy.

"Hey sandy." I begin.

"Hey Emily. Whats wrong?"

"Well JJ is um, in the hospital.." i said once again my eyes filling up with tears.

"What!? Is she ok!?" She asked worried.

"Physically yes, but mentally no.. she tried to kill herself.. again.." i sighed.

"Im on my way!" Sandy said hanging up the phone. I was alone again in this damn hospital.. reminding me when i almost died from Doyle..

A/N: hey guys, i know long time since i have updated, i just havnt been feeling motivated to do anything latley. Hope you guys can understand. Sorry this chapter is a little sloppy, it was rushed.. let me know if you like it. Thanks for reading:)