From Kuya to Prince Charming

What have I done?

Isang linggo na rin ang lumipas since naging forced BF ako ni Monique, and I'm really irritated with her na, di ko talaga gusto ang pagkaclingy niya, nakakasakal. 

One week na rin na naging abnormal relationship namin ni Shan, she was trying her best to make it the same as it was pero, dahil sa mga kondisyon ni Monique I end up hurting her yet she never gave up. Nsasaktan lang ako seeing her seeing her so hurt when I try to stay away from her. Nalilito na rin siguro siya sa akin, I've been hot and cold with her, may mga pagkakataon kasi that nalilimutan ko na may deal pala kami ni Nik, nagiging sweet ulit ako kay Shan then I would suddenly change gears, parang bipolar lang?

I just want to protect her from Nik, pero pakiramdam ko I'm pushing her away to the point na I'm almost losing her to Jerome. 

Isang linggo na rin nanliligaw si Jerome kay Shan, I saw how he brought flowers, stuffed toys and chocolates for her. How they both talk at the canteen laughing at something, he would whisper something in Shan's ear which would make her blush... ano kaya ang mga sinasabi niya how I wish ako ang mga nagsasabi nun. 

These past few days, lalong mas naging klaro sa akin kung ano ba talaga si Shan for me, I asked myself kasi why I would go to such extents as sacrificing my freedom and hapiness for her... it landed on one answer, one answer na hanggang ngayon ay nahihirapan akong tanggapin dahil natatakot ako... I love her, more than a sister, I don't when and I don't know how, basta narealize ko na lang one day pag gising ko sa umaga na mahal ko na pala siya as a woman,siguro nga since then pa pero di ko lang napapansin.

Kaya lang natatakot ako, this could change everything, not that hindi nagbago kung ano kami before, dami ngang nagbago pero... what I mean is, after this pretense with Nik, this feeling could break the balance between us, it is a risk I can't take, I may end up losing her completely, if di siya mawawala sa akin sa pinag gagawa ko ngayon pa lang. 

I saw her sit down her favorite spot sa canteen, she opened the book she has been reading... isang linggo na rin akong parang stalker niya na sinusundan kung nasaan siya everytime I can, I just want to know and be updated jung ano na nangyayari sa kanya. 

Lumapit na si Jerome sa kanya, this time he brought a plush toy puppy for her, she smiled brightly. Parang sinakal ako sa nakikita ko, sadista na ata ako ngayon, torture na sa akin makita siyang masaya sa piling ng iba pero ito pa rin ako, observing them.

My phone rang, I got a text from mama, sabihan ko raw si Shan sa joint family dinner later. I smiled after reading that, I will have a reason to be with her later, walang Monique at walang Jerome. 

Lumapit na ako sa kanila ni Jerome, she looked up and smiled at me pero ang sad ng mga mata niya, I could see how much she missed me, gusto ko tuloy yakapin siya ng sobrang higpit to make her sadness fade away.

"Shan joint family dinner sa bahay mamaya the usual time" sabi ko sa kanya with the most normal tone of voice na kaya ko, ayaw kong ipahalata sa kanya na super masaya ako.

"Ok kuya, hahabol lang ako after band practice, don't worry I won't be late" sagot niya sa akin with a smile. 

"Ok!" I replied then biglang sumingit si Jerome. "Don't worry Kharl ihahatid ko siya on time"

Tinignan ko lang si Jerome and tumango then I heard Monique call my name.

"Honey! Andito ka pala" sabi niya sa akin, liningon ko siya and I saw na nakataas ang kilay niya habang nakatingin from me to Shan.

"Yes, I was just telling Shan something that my mom asked me to tell her" malamig kong sagot sa kanya. 

'Oh how sweet of you" sabi niya as he gave me a peck on the cheek, seriously this girl is so papansin, ang daming tao kaya di ba siya nahihiya?

"Ahm mauna na kami ni Jerome" sabi ni Shan as she packed up her things and left with Jerome, I looked at her leave at parang sinaksak naman ang puso ko when I saw how Jerome held her hand, tinignan niya lang ito sadly pero di niya tinaggal, knowing her she can't say no, sobrang bait kasi. 

"What was that about honey!?" mataray na tanong ni Monique. 

Liningon ko siya, she was crossing her arms and raised an eyebrow. I really don't like her, she may be pretty pero ang sama ng ugali at wala pang substance ang utak. I would never fall for a girl like this, di ko nga maintindihan kung bakit maraming nagkakagusto sa kanya. 

"None of your business Monique" malamig kong sabi, dinedma ko na siya after that.

"It is my business, ano na lang iisipin ng mga tao na nakikipaglandian ang boyfriend ko sa Shan na iyon" singhal niya sa akin and even pulled my arm.

"Nakikipaglandian talaga? Are you blind? I was just talking to her and Jerome was even there, besides mas worst ka pa nga eh, akala mo ba hindi ko alam that you flirt with almost all the boys na pumapansin sa iyo. Don't act clean when you are not" alam ko masakit yung sinabi ko, yet this is me straight-forward, gentleman ako pero may limit din naman ako. If Monique wants respect from me, then respetuhin din niya sarili niya muna at ako rin.

"I'm sorry hon, it's just that I'm really jealous different kasi treatment mo kay Shan at sa akin" she hugged me, di ko naman siya sinaway ayaw ko naman siyang mapahiya sa harap ng mga taong nakatingin sa amin.

"Because you two are different Monique, she could be like you if she wants to, but you could never be like her" I said just loud enough for her to hear it as what I said ayaw ko mapahiya siya sa harap ng mga nakiki usyoso.

She let go of me then slapped me, " How dare you say that, ako ang girlfriend mo Kharl not her and you have to bear with it! Ihatid mo na ako sa amin" sabi niya sa akin. 

Lumakad na siya papalayo, wala akong magawa, tama naman siya she is my GF and I have to bear with that decision... kinuha ko yung cp ko and looked at it. It was our picture ni Shan, the same exact picture dun sa picture frame sa bahay, yun an ginawa kong wallpaper. At times like this tinitignan ko litrato namin to encourage myself...

You have to endure Kharl, para sa kanya lahat ng ito... it will be worth it, wouldn't it be?

Ibinulsa ko na ang phone ko and started walking para mahabol si Nik, Lord, hanggang kailang ko ba kakayanin ito? give me strength please, tahimik kong dasal as my walk slowly broke into a run...