The Fleeting Broken Soul

Breaking down

TW: extreme anxiety, hints at depression, PTSD.

I served the pancakes everyone, and I could see that they were just purely stunned that they had survived the previous night. They looked at me in a synchronized motion. After the things that happened, they knew that I got rid of the guy who hurt them. Which must have been a giant burden and a biggest fear. They were waiting for me to break, they knew I would. I just kept it in and looked at them. I gave everybody a pity smile as I looked like life was drained from me. My eyes were puffy, red and swollen and I was pale as a ghost. I ate some pancakes with everybody else and then they went to go lay down on the couch to rest. I cleaned up the kitchen and went to do the previous repeating motion of sitting in front of the door just in case. I definitely was not okay I could admit that myself, but I couldn't let it out. I wouldn't it's not fair to everyone they just went through a traumatic experience of getting hurt they don't need my drama too. The day went by like a flash, the activities we did even though it was barely anything felt like only seconds until it reached night time. After we eat dinner everybody went to their rooms. I knew that they were going to changing bandages and stuff like that so I didn't do it. I went to go out of my room because I couldn't sleep. At this point it was very early in the next day. I cracked into the living room and I just sat in the middle of the floor. I stared at my hands, I stared around the room and I fell into thought. I hadn't realized the tears spilling out from my eyes, I had cried so much that the single few tears that came out stung from them being so salty. I started to shake and quiver, I didn't know how to cope with all the anxiety and grief and complete pain that the last couple days put me through. I was so indulged with myself, that I didn't notice. Everybody from my family, Phil, Techno and Wilbur were gathered around me in a circle. I just cried more I couldn't stop. "I can't, I won't..-" I couldn't get my words out, Wilbur started rubbing circles on my back.
"Let it all out Julie it's going to be okay, Wilbur spoke. "We are all here with you and we're okay, Phil said" Let it out kid, Techno said. I looked at them as my brain wrapped around saying a full sentence, tears falling onto the floor and down my face making my shirt soaked I finally got out a sentence. "I won't let this happen again, I can't let this happen again. The person who hurt you was out for me to begin with so it was my fault you got hurt. So I will make sure to protect you guys." I just let more of my emotions go as everyone stared at me with sadness in their eyes. "No, we will take care of you and make sure that you are okay first. You took care of us already and we're perfectly fine now because of it. So it's our turn to take care of you." Phil told me in a gentle voice, he didn't give me any room to disagree. We just let go all of our emotions and huddle together. They were my family and we were a strong family. But our lives will never be the same, we decided we would be more open with each other and say when we have something wrong. Phil signed us all up online for therapy, we would go all together as a family. We would come on top and we would beat this trauma. I know that this family is a good one we've been together for a while now, well not a while but a decent amount of time and I'm happy. So I'm glad that we're going through therapy together as a family. Not today but soon. Please God, just let us be happy, don't throw hurdles on our way.