Suddenly

Suddenly Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

More than Friends

Things were getting to me, my feelings were being bent more often than they did before, whenever it involved her everything intensified to an overwhelming proportion. I was falling prey to an emotional warfare which had me on the retreat. We hadn't spoken in a few days and it felt like hell had come to pay me a personal visit. I hated not speaking to her; I didn't even know why we were fighting in the first place. Sadness had become my best friend and she was around to stay for a while.

It was a game of who would break first, who would speak to who first. I couldn't keep myself from her but I was holding out this time, I needed her to show me that I meant something to her. I wanted her to want me, possibly miss me and miss speaking with me. I knew she wanted to speak to me, I could see it in her eyes but she played hard to get like she was the inventor of the game.

We'd stare at each other fleetingly as we passed each other in class and in hall ways during recess but not a word was uttered from either of us. Our friends on both sides were urging us to patch up our differences. They couldn't understand what was going on between us. It was a love hate situation which grew more potent as the days grew older. I was missing her, I missed her ability to hold a good conversation and keep me spellbound. I had grown fond of the manner in which she looked at me when we spoke.

Other girls would approach me and we'd talk but my soul longed for her, she'd invariably be at a distance and my thoughts would relay to her rather than whoever was standing in front me. I had to know if her brownies would ever venture in my direction so I asked a friend to stand at a distance and watch her, watch to see if she'd look at me.

Like an actor waiting for my cue I took my spot in her eye line, in a stance against the wall outside our classroom I posed as best as I could. Refusing to look her way my gaze fell elsewhere until ten minutes had passed. I began to walk to my secret agent, eager to know what the verdict would be. As I got close to him he said "twenty two, she looked at you twenty two times". Wow, I didn't know how to respond to that, I was somewhat complimented by this and yet more confused now more than ever.

Was she looking at me because she disliked me or was she genuinely attracted to me? Why was she so silent around me, yet her eyes would survey me when I was seemingly unaware? She wasn't being entirely honest about something, she displayed symptoms of someone infected with the love bug yet she'd proceed pass me and immune to my charms.

My brain stormed ways in which to get her to break her silence and maybe confess to how she truly felt but that would mean that I had to meet my demons about how I truly felt. I didn't know if I was ready to tell her the truth about my feelings for her. Maybe if I told her how I felt she would in return tell me how she felt. It had to be at the opportune moment, timing was exponentially clinical, and I needed everything to be conducive.

It was two weeks since we had said a word to each other and the atmosphere around us was thickened by a dark tempestuous cloud. I mustered up the ounce of courage within me and I decided to confront her about my feelings. During our second recess I asked her to speak with me for a few moments, we walked together awkwardly, the closest we've been to each other in a very long while. We had stopped walking and the time had arrived for me to spill my feelings.

I looked her in her brown lit eyes and I said, "I need to tell you something", "Yes" she replied, I starred at her and said "I love you". My heart had never felt so vulnerable and open, it felt as if it was about to burst through my rib cage and explode in front of me. She began to step back and told me that I should leave her alone and that there was nothing between us, we were just friends.