Suddenly

Suddenly Chapter 35

Chapter Thirty Five

The Peck

My life had twists and turns, unexpected fast track moments and moments that just brought everything to a standstill. I was at a moment of stagnancy, I tried to take a foot forward but I stepped back three. I was in quicksand and the more I moved or struggled to get out the more I found myself sinking deep.

Even the best fell down sometimes and I was at the bottom of the bottom again. Many years ago I lost someone special, I had no answers then as to why she had to go and now again I found myself sitting under the black sky with the stars refusing to shine. I felt so close yet so far away.

Melodies of sad songs filled my singing mind, the wrong words seemed to rhyme, happy endings became tragedies, I was living in one of those sad songs, my life was the chorus and choirs were echoing every moment I had lived. I wanted things different but it hadn't been my way in a very long time.

It was time for me to get up and go to visit Evana, she was at the hospital for almost two months and about ready to be discharged. Dad and mum decided to sit this one out so it was just me going to the hospital. The rain was belting down and I had to drive slow and cautiously. Most roads were closed due to the rain and the stormy weather. The sidewalks were flooded and there was almost nobody walking the streets that day. I thought twice about turning back but I had to see my daughter. Eventually after an hour on the road I got to the hospital. Drenched by the short distance from the car to the entrance of the hospital I was greeted by a familiar smile. It was BE, she stood at the reception desk as if she was waiting for me to arrive. I was pleased to see her.

"Hi", she said in her cute manner.

"BE, what are you doing here, I thought you were in London?"

"London....whatever gave you that idea?"

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I'm sorry about the other day, I didn't expect to see you so soon, I would have come visited you at the hospital but I just wasn't ready"

"It's okay BE, but what are you doing here? Why do you keep coming to see my daughter? Thank you for the clothes and the flowers by the way"

Our breath fogged up the glass window as we watched Evana, we stood and spoke to each other. It had been twenty years since we had said a word to each other. She told me how she thought about me all these past years and was afraid to reach out to me. She explained how her parents had warned her never to contact me and that I was seen as a troublemaker and a boy with no direction or ambition.

"I'm still the same boy BE, I haven't changed much, I'm just grown up and I have a daughter now, who means everything to me". After we watched Evana drift off to sleep we spent some time at the coffee shop at the hospital.

"Why didn't you come back for me?" she asked me. I explained to her that I did, that I came for her day after day but her mum turned me away every time. "Why didn't you at least call me?" I asked her.

"Things were different back then and we were much younger", she said. "All I wanted at the time was to study, get a good job and get my parents out of that town". I heard her give me her reasons but it still didn't make everything right and it still didn't justify her throwing me away like she did.

There wasn't time for me to take a stroll down memory lane, I had to get my life together and be a dad. The world seemed much harder without Havana by my side; I hadn't a clue as to what I was going to do without her. Our home, everything in it was us; her signature was on everything we had bought together.

"I've got to get going, my dad and mum are at home and I promised them that I would make dad's favorite pasta, and the rain seems to be clearing up so I better get going", said BE.

"I've got to go as well, there's lots for me to do at home", I replied.

"Maybe we should have dinner some time, when you're not too busy, it would be really great to catch up and get your mind off things", BE said.

"Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea", I agreed.

We exchanged numbers and we both got into our cars and went home. The doctor had told me that Evana would need a few more days at the hospital and she would be ready to go home. I had to prepare her room and make sure everything was perfect for her.

In a few days I arrived at the hospital and fetched my baby girl. Carrying her for the first time felt surreal, it was an experience like nothing I've ever felt before. I was a dad. This immense feeling of responsibility came over me; I had to be the perfect father to my girl. I wished Havana was here with me to feel the warmth of our daughter in her arms.

Laying her down in her tiny bed and watching her fall asleep brought tears to my eyes. He was healthy and growing so fast; she had picked up two kilograms at the two month stay at the hospital which put her in the category of a chubby baby. Her cheeks were like little pumpkins and she had the biggest brownest eyes.

Looking at my daughter reminded me of Havana; it was as if I was looking at a miniature version of my dead wife. The love I had for this bundle of new life had no bounds. I knew at that moment that I would do anything for my daughter. She was a piece of Havana after all. A few days had gone by and I was easing into the role of a single dad, I must admit I was doing a really good job thus far.

Just when I thought I was mastering the art of fatherhood Evana began to cry without ceasing, I tried everything, singing to her, carrying her, rocking her gently but she would not stop crying. Just then, the doorbell rang, it was the worst time for the doorbell to ring I thought. I quickly carried Evana and hurried to get the door.

On the other side of the door stood BE. I was a bit shocked to see her and I asked her how she knew where I lived. Evana was still crying and BE and I was finding it difficult to speak to each other.

"Give her to me," BE said as she reached out and took Evana in her arms. Immediately Evana stopped crying and was pacified, maybe it was the touch of a woman's arms that did the trick. I watched as BE spoke to Evana and caressed her in her arms. BE held her closely and rocked her gently, soon enough Evana fell asleep and BE put her down in her bed.

"She's just a little tired", said BE, "she'll be asleep for the next hour or so".

I stood in astonishment, I never pictured BE as a mum or with a baby in her arms. I was glad that she had come to the rescue but I was also feeling a little guilty for letting another woman hold my daughter, our daughter. I felt like I was being unfair on Havana, it was her job to hold and caress Evana. My emotions were getting the best of me, my eyes got a bit misty so I walked into the other room.

BE followed me into the room, she sense that I wasn't myself.

"You're allowed to feel alone you know, you've lost your wife and you have a beautiful baby to take care of", BE muttered. I knew she was right but I wasn't the vulnerable type, I hadn't been used to not being in control of my life.

I tried to change the subject and asked her how she knew where I lived. "I went over to your parents place and they told me where you lived", she said.

"I'll come over tomorrow to check up on you, just to check if you put on her diaper the right way around", she laughed.

"Thank you BE, you showed up at the right time I suppose, I doubt I would have been able to get her to fall asleep like you did, would you mind staying for dinner?'

"I can't, I've got to take my niece to her swimming lesson, I promised her I would, and I'm big on promises, unlike you".

Before I could reply to her smarty pants comment she leaned over and pecked me on the left cheek.

"Okay, I guess its bye for now, I'll see you tomorrow", she said after the peck and walked to her car.