Suddenly

Suddenly Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty One

Almost Midnyt

https://soundcloud.com/almost-midnyt

Over the years as boys and then as teenagers, Reece and I became better musicians and our baby brother Jesse, who isn't so little anymore joined us in the ranks as one of the best musicians in our town. We roped in our friends Dolan and Carson. Together the five of us started a band.

We'd get gigs at different spots all around the state and around our town as well, there was no place we'd not want to play at. Soon we were making waves in the music world around us, our self written songs were being played on every available local stage and the buzz about us was increasing.

Being on stage was a bit different than playing at Church. These crowds were not the usual Sunday clappers. Adaptability was the key to our rock star success. We dressed, spoke and played differently at every gig we played at. We were great though, our fame began snowballing and we were making connections at every gig.

We were living double lives, during the day we were white collar employees and at night we'd transform into guitar slinging rockers. We were Almost Midnyt!

Practice sessions were on most afternoons. At practice sessions we'd write new songs and get our stage act perfected. We all had a job to do; Jesse was on drums, Carson on bass, Dolan on rhythm and backing keys, Reece on lead guitar and lead keys, I was the least of the talent so I simply sang.

The thrill and exhilaration of being in a band started to become addictive. We had won a few Battle of The Band competitions and our popularity began to increase at a staggering rate. The feeling of being on stage rivaled almost none, it also distracted me greatly, and I was consumed now by writing songs and preparing our set on stage.

We weren't perfectionists but we were learning the ropes at every new gig, we dressed the parts and we had an entertaining line up for our set. As a band we didn't take a fee for us to play at different venues, we offered our services at no cost but in return we were gaining much needed exposure. Deep down I somehow hoped that BE would be in the crowd, watching and listening.

My song writing process stemmed from my feelings for her, the lyrics flowed from my heart into the veins of the penned vessels that inked the velvet paper. My feelings of hurt and brokenness became alive in every verse and chorus. Reece and Jesse put the music together for the chord structure and the tempo and beat of the songs. We worked well as a band and things came easy to us, we had pages upon pages of songs that we had written and performed.

The time had arrived for us to make an album so we booked a reputable studio and did a ten track album. We distributed this album to the local radio stations and we sold them at gigs. Now our songs were playing in cars and homes all across our hometown. There was no financial gain from our microscopic fame and recognition but we were doing something we loved and the gratification of hearing how much of an inspiration our music had been to our listeners was all the reward we needed.

On one Friday night as I stood on stage I noticed a sunshine of a girl in the midst of the crowd, our eyes met and I could tell she was different, her long hair and gentle smile reminded me of BE. I tried to find her and asked about her after our set but she had vanished. I felt strange looking at her because I was still very much in love with BE and I felt like I betrayed BE by getting the attention of someone else.

That drive home I thought about how badly BE had treated me, I asked myself a million questions about why BE didn't want to see me. I felt like BE had thrown me away and I didn't mean anything to her.

My guy and girl friends both reasoned everything out. They explained and advised me that if someone really cared about me they wouldn't treat me like BE had treated me. It had been almost ten years since I had last seen or spoken to BE but I was still holding on to her and I couldn't let go.

The next morning I had forgotten all about that sunshine girl and it was a normal weekend until our gig that evening. Being the front man for one of the upcoming bands in our town had its pressures. I had to look the part and be the right persona on stage. Everything seemed predestined for me and that I had no choice in the matter. The hang out spots, clothing, classification and genre of friends and on which type of girl I should date were all decided for me and I wasn't comfortable with that. Up until that moment I had not been with a girl, I hadn't had my first kiss or girlfriend experience. I portrayed a different person on stage but that person was the furthest from who I really was. The closest I had come to being with a girl was that special dance ten years ago, holding BE was the closest to Heaven I'd come to thus far.

Like a cocaine addict chasing the first high, I chased that feeling of being with BE, but I knew only BE could make me feel that way. Maybe I was in denial and I didn't want to let go. Rumors and stories would filter to me that BE had moved on and was married with two kids, I'd hear that she'd moved away upstate and that her husband was overprotective hence she wasn't available on any social media, BE was off the grid and so was my heart. When these portions of gossip or news would get to my ears it would hurt me deeply and the messenger would always reiterate that BE despised me thus she never wanted to contact me again.

It was a dry bitter pill to swallow but I was much older now, a man with the responsibilities of my father's house on my shoulders. I needed to accept the ugly truth and lick my wounds of my tattered heart and continue with life.

Almost Midnyt kept me sane and focused, it briefly kept my thoughts away from BE, the music was everything to me. We'd walk in malls and have strangers walk up to us and tell us that they loved the show and their little sons or daughters can't stop singing the songs on the album. Hearing these comments really inspired us to continue writing songs and going further with our music. We were touching people with our music and that satisfied my soul. A part of me hoped that somehow BE would hear the songs and realize that she was the wind behind my sails.