Suddenly

Suddenly Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty Two

That Sunshine Girl

I wrapped a woolen scarf around my neck as we left for the nights gig. The winter chill loomed in the crisp air. The icy weather couldn't keep me from the excitement of the forth coming attractions of that evening. My tummy gave accommodation for the most colorful dancing butterflies.

It was just another quick set I thought to myself, like we've done a hundred times before. I walked into the auditorium and stood at the entrance hall and there she was again. That sunshine of a girl stood right in front of me, she illuminated like a supernova in the center of her circle of friends, her laugh echoed like a symphony which left me paralyzed and unmovable. For once I was not the center of attention, she was!

She looked my way and our smiles met, her confidence was at a high as she walked over and said "hello, I'm really looking forward to the concert tonight". I smiled back precariously and tried to remain calm, there was something about her that reminded me of BE, sure they both had long flowing hair but it was more than just their hairstyles that caught my eye.

I told her my name and she said, "I'm really pleased to meet you, I'm Havana, my little brother loves you guys and he forced me to bring him here tonight, he wants to be a drummer when he gets older, just like Jesse". I listened to her every word as I watched her lips curl and crinkle as she spoke to me. I couldn't deny that I enjoyed being there at that moment. Speaking to her felt peaceful, yet at the back of my mind I was still thinking of BE, My BE.

The other guys in the band noticed me sinking deep in conversation, I had never spoken to the opposite sex in this manner before, I usually shied away from everyone after or before a concert. This display of public dialogue with Havana had caught their attention and they quickly reacted to it in the best way they knew how to by making crazy faces in my eye line behind her. It was a task for me just to keep a straight face with their animated behavior in the background.

She was cordial and charming in her own right, he smile and gaze was familiar, she held an aura that kept me entertained for those few minutes but I had to go. "Eh, I've really got to go now" I said, "we've got to get on stage in a bit", "sure but I'd like to talk afterwards, if that's okay with you", she replied, I smiled politely and waved back as I walked away.

Back stage I tried to be professional and get my mind on the job at hand, I needed to focus on what I was going to say to the crowd. I had always tried to buy a few minutes being funny on stage as the guys plugged in and readied themselves.

Our set began and everything flowed like clockwork, my jokes were getting good reviews and laughs, and the guys were on form, sounding amazing. I loved sharing the stage with them. There was something amazing that happened when we were all together playing for Almost Midnyt.

Halfway through our second song I notice her in the crowd again, her glossy black eyes were fixated on me and it was hard for me not to look at her too. I smiled at her from up top as I sang and she sweetly returned the favor. Something was happening between her and I and I couldn't decipher what it was exactly. It had been a really long time since my radar had picked up anything remotely close to BE. My steadfast broken heart still held a brightly burning torch for BE, hoping that someday she'd return to me.

The last time I had tried to reach out to her was on the morning of her birthday a few years ago. I had rung her up and was hoping to speak to her, just to wish her. I nervously waited as the phone rang on the other end, finally her mum answered and called for her to come to the phone. I said hello and she asked who I was, I had told her my name and she crushingly replied that she doesn't know anyone by that name and hung up the phone. After that call my self-esteem along with my broken heart tore apart even further, I remember telling myself that it was over and that I didn't need any more evidence to prove to me that she resented me.

Havana had a bit of BE in her, but without the hatred and resentment towards me. She looked at me the same way BE did when we first met way back in 98. I had to be sensible about this because ultimately she wasn't BE, there was only one BE. Havana was different yet so familiar. I wasn't the gigolo type so dating lots of girls wasn't on my character list. I thought though that maybe if I had given other girls a chance maybe they would show me the same if not more affection as Havana did.

After the concert the crowd usually gathered at the foyer and everyone mingled with us and the other acts of the night. Jamie, Havana's little brother came over to me and hugged me, telling me how he enjoyed the songs and which was his favorite. Havana wasn't too far behind her brother, we were destined to talk and we did.

I was usually beat after an energetic performance so I was looking forward to napping in the car on the ride home. I cut the dialogue to a minimum which was also a tactical move on my part to play hard to get, besides I was still very much in love with BE and I didn't want to complicate matters.

On my way home my mobile buzzed and it was an unfamiliar number with a familiar text message which read...

"Thank you for taking the time to speak to my brother and I, it really meant so much to him, I hope you don't mind, I got your number from the bass player Carson, goodnight, Havana"

I smiled after reading the text, I couldn't be upset with Carson, I knew the guys meant well and they just wanted to see me happy for once. It was almost twelve years since I had even heard or seen BE, maybe it was time for me to move on, maybe BE had moved on too. I'd remember the stories and rumors from friends about her moving to another state and being married with a few kids and that her husband was overly protective and that he kept her off the social networking grid.

After that text from Havana a few days passed but I remained socially withdrawn and moreover I had not returned her text. I hoped that she would possibly forget about me and that nothing would come of it. The next Friday night our band played at a local youth center, it was just another gig with nothing out of the norm until I saw her again. Like a subtle graceful breeze of aromatic incense Havana entered the room, I can't deny that I was somewhat excited by her presence there.

She walked over to me gracefully and we spoke, "you owe me a text message mister", she said with a cute smile on her face, "Eh, yes I do, thank you for texting by the way, it was sweet of you, I enjoyed speaking to you too, like I'm doing now", I said, fumbling with my words. Suddenly I wasn't Mr. Cool anymore, my palms were sweaty, I was tongue tied and filled with nervousness, the nervousness I used to feel around BE.

My eyes took clinical notice of her, I liked her style, long sleeved shirt with a black leather jacket, skinny blue jeans and knee high boots, I thought to myself...she really knows a few things about fashion.

"Nice boots", I said, "Thank you, they're really old though, I've had these buggers for years, they're old faithful". "Well they're pretty fashionable", I said.

Later that night we bumped into each other again and we picked up our conversation from where we had left, we spoke about everything and it felt so easy to talk to her. I had never been so under stressed about talking to a girl before. We were lost on deep conversation when she realized that her bus and her little brother had left without her. As I watched her panic I muttered, "You can get a ride home with me if you want". "Really? That would be a life saver, thank you mister", she replied.

In the car on the ride home I drove at a modest speed as the wintry raindrops crashed landed on the windscreen. The cold air crept through the air vents making it bitter cold. She curled up on the front seat and fell asleep like a baby. The amber lights of the passing cars on the adjacent lane lit her face almost like she was an angel asleep next to me, guiding me home in the treacherous rain. I grabbed the black and brown checked blanket from the back seat which my mum had forgotten there last December. With one hand on the wheel and the other on the blanket I covered her as I watched her dream peacefully. I held the wheel tightly as I cautiously watched the wet road in front of me but every few minutes I stole quick glances at her picturesque face.