On My Own Time

Chapter 35

My mom didn't say anything when we got home but she didn't look disgusted or disappointed so that made me feel a little better. I guess Daniel decided that it would be best if he and Caden didn't come home yet because they never arrived after us. I didn't want to be rude to my mother but I had no motivation to stay and talk to her. Instead, I went up to my room and allowed myself to be swallowed in self pity. My phone kept vibrating but I was scared to see what was going on. I was sure that some were from them two and Max, maybe a few from Charlie but probably hateful ones from Sara and others. I could already imagine all the things being said online.

"Honey? I brought you some cookies. They're made with love," my mother softly said, slowly walking into my room.

I heard her sigh and place the try down. My back was towards her and I was curled up into a ball on my bed, my blanket lazily thrown over me. I felt the bed dip behind me and then I felt my mother's arm wrap around me, holding me with a hold only a mother could provide. It made me more emotional and I felt the tears slowly spring to my eyes, a few being released and falling down.

"A mother will love her child no matter what. A mother didn't carry her child for eight months for nothing. A mother will always be there for for her child."

"What about the mothers who don't care?" I mumbled.

"That's just a woman who gave birth. But the child, the child is the true beauty," she sighed and kissed the back of my head. "We don't talk about your father much but you know he always said that you would do great things in life."

"He must be disappointed."

"No. I know he's looking down and smiling. He's proud of the man you've become. You are just like your father, kind, smart, respectful, responsible, and you both are who you are. What happened today, it won't make you weak, but it'll make you stronger. There are still many people who love you. You don't need everyone's love, you only need true love which is the most special type. If you have everyone's love, well you will suffocate in it. Even if the world turns against you, you know you can always come back to me, home."

Home.

"Mom, I need to go somewhere."

"I can drive you-"

"No, I. . . I need to walk," I said and got up from the bed, wiping my eyes and getting my phone and jacket.

"Honey?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

I gave my mother a hug and she returned the hug with much more warmth and care. I left the house and began my hour long walk, still ignoring my phone and trying to clear my mind. It was hard when it felt like the people around you were staring and it felt like they knew too. When I finally made it, I opened the gate and slowly walked along the path. It was quiet, as it should be. There was no one around and that made me feel more at peace. When I got there, a shaky breath escaped past my lips and I slowly sat down on the grass.

"Hi, Poppa. I know I haven't visited in a while and I know I should fix that. It's just. . . Um, I was distracted for a while. Someone came into my life and," I stopped and took a deep breath, begging the tears to go away. "For the first time I felt what betrayal was. I thought we were happy, but I guess not. Mom mentioned home and I remembered you always said that you were home, you were the person to go to for everything."

I sniffed and wiped away the tears that broke through. I didn't know if I was crying because of what happened or because my father was gone. Maybe it was both. There was a soft wind and it hit my face, my tears becoming cold and my hair dancing along to the wind. For such peaceful weather, it sure was a depressing day.

"I wish you were here. I wish I could've told you myself. I wish that you didn't die. I wish. . . God, I just. . ." A sob ripped out from my throat and I dropped my head down to my hands, the tears flowing freely now like a river. "Why did you have to be the one to be crashed into? That fucking driver was drunk and high! He is alive with minor injuries and you're here! Dead and not with me. I miss you Poppa. I want you home."

"You don't have the go through this alone."

I looked up and saw Max there, a pained expression on his face as he looked at me. I quickly tried to stop crying, embarrased that he saw me like this, yet the tears dropped even faster. I was becoming frustrated and another sob left past my lips. Max got down and brought me into his arms, holding me and letting me cry my heart out. I held onto him tightly, my hands fisting his shirt which was gaining a wet spot from my tears. He held me until the crying stopped and held me some more as we simply sat in silence.

"How did you get here? I was sure your mom would never let you see me again," I mumbled into his chest.

"My father helped me sneak out. I went to your place but your mom had an idea of where you were."

"I'm sorry you had to see me like this."

"I'm not your best friend if I haven't seen you cry at least once."

"Thank you, for being the bestest best friend there is. I'm sorry that you got into trouble because of me."

"Hey, you never have to apologize for that. I did it with joy."

He let me go but we still sat next to each other, sitting in silence because we felt that nothing else needed to be said. This was the type of love my mother said was special and important. I was beyond grateful for Max and I would never forget all he has done for me. I truly loved him.