Drowning in You

-14-

I cried. A lot.
I cried in the car back home.
I cried while I went through my statement with the police.
I cried when Violet asked if Nanny and Granddad would come back.
I cried when I got the call confirming the deaths of my family... All ten of them.
I cried when Dex and Willow woke up, needing feeds.
I cried when Dean turned up.
I just cried.
For hours.

You would've thought tears had an expiration date. Mine did not. I was grieving for ten people; not just one, or two. TEN.

Dean stayed and helped with Violet, giving her the emotional support she need considering what she'd just been through. Nick helped soothe the twins and get them back to sleep before comforting me.
I held onto him, not allowing him to leave my side.
I'd been apart from him for too long. Eight weeks. Eight whole weeks he'd been gone, he'd missed out on his children's lives, on my life. How much has happened in the past two months.

I could see it in his face that he felt guilty for not being there, but right now I didn't care. He was here, and I wasn't going to let him go again.
He was stuck with me.

Life is too short.
You should tell the people in your life what they mean to you... Don't hold back because of fear. It's not a good enough excuse when you could drop dead the next day.

Dean stayed until Violet was in bed, asleep. He cleaned up the kitchen and hugged me tightly, "if you need anything, just call okay?"
I nodded, staying silent as he left.
Left me alone with Nick.

"I-"
"Har-" we both stop as soon as we started. Nick smiles softly at me, "you go first."

"I'm sorry. So sorry. I fucked up big time. I let you walk out that door thinking I didn't mean those words when I did. I was just scared. You know how badly I got my heart broken, and I didn't know how to trust in someone again. But I know I shouldn't have put that fear on you when you'd done nothing but support me, care for me and the twins, you proved to me over and over again that you were there and I pushed you away. Again and again.
I'm sorry, Nick. I wish I could find the words to tell you exactly how sorry I am for the way I treated you. You didn't deserve any of it.
Today I learned that life is too short. That I should stop worrying and fearing the past and start looking forward, start living each day to the fullest and tell the people around you how you feel. Because you never know when it might be your last day. Nick... I do love you. So god damn much. So much it scares me. I understand if you don't want me anymore, I understand if I've pushed you away too many times for you to let me in again. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. But I had to tell you." I'm breathless by the end of my monologue. All the things I've wanted to say for the past eight weeks.

I looked up at Nick, waiting for his rebuff. He's looking down at me with wide eyes. But he's silent.
I lost him.
My head falls and I close my eyes, "it's okay," I whisper, " you don't have to feel guilty. You can go if you want to." The tears slide down my face once more. I don't think I can handle any more pain today. I wish he would just leave.

A hand curls itself around my cheek and lifts it up, forcing my eyes up to stare into those captivatingly beautiful green eyes, "say those words again."
I swallow past the lump in my throat, "I love you Nick."
I watch as that shocked look turns into happiness and his face looms closer before his lips are pressed against mine. One small, soft kiss, but it made me feel more than I have in a long time.

"Harper Cole, you beautiful, crazy, stubborn woman. I love you too. More than I've loved anybody in my life."

He loves me!
Nick Jean loves me.

~*~

Curled up on the bed, Nick holding me to him, and we're just talking.
I couldn't get the images out of my head from today's tragic events so Nick was trying to help distract me... I don't know how well it would work though.