*The song for this chapter is Raise Hell - Dorothy.*
*TRIGGER WARNING: this chapter contains violent themes and blood. If any of these themes trigger you then please don't read on & stay safe!*
Celeste
Harry was right.
I am just existing.
Surviving.
Depriving myself in order to keep those around me watered.
I'm not living.
That night in Sinners was the closest I've felt to the living in a long time; it had nothing to do with what happened in that dimly lit red lounge upstairs in the club either. It had everything to do with the pure adrenaline of the molly mixed with stabbing that cunt in the leg for touching Lana.
It was also the closest I've felt to being me.
Truly, unapologetically myself.
I am messy, impulsive, and I do lack any sense of rationality because I act on emotion. That's what makes me Celeste Andrea Delgado. That's who I am.
Why am I trying to numb myself to fit in with the mold that's been sculpted for me by Papa?
Being expected to fulfill a legacy is the most draining thing to have to experience; it's dimming your light and depriving yourself of everything that makes you happy just to end up sitting in the dark with nobody there to switch your light back on. You end up searching for a release in anything that can give you a sense of escapism; drugs, alcohol, sex.
Danger.
The danger is my release.
As I sat on the edge of my bed pulling on my high-heeled knee-high boots, I couldn't stop the smirk from playing on the corners of my lips as I caught sight of my knife on the bedside table. The blade was glistening in all of its beauty under the lighting that was shining through my bedroom table, the leather holster that was under my dress was ready for the knife to take its rightful place. Zipping up my boots, I knew I was ready to put the final pieces of my look together. I was wearing a simple black bodycon dress that hugged my curvaceous hips and thighs perfectly; I knew my body in every possible way, I knew how to work with everything that I had. Collecting the blade from the bedside table, I slotted it perfectly into its place in the leather holster before making my way over to the vanity mirror and examining the outcome. My makeup was simple, a simple cherry red lip bringing it all together perfectly in contrast with my jet black hair.
I looked fucking sexy.
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