The Hideout I Need

Chapter 39: You can always come home

"Jung-mo..." Hyeong-jun quietly spoke. Even in the dark, he could tell that Jung-mo wasn't looking too good. He looked uneasy as he kept shifting his weight back and forth, his hands in his pockets, and he kept avoiding eye contact.

"Can we talk? Please?" Jung-mo repeated, his voice almost sounding desperate despite his gaze pretty much being glued to the ground.

"Right now?" Hyeong-jun questioned softly, gently trying to grab Jung-mo's attention to no avail. But honestly, he wasn't even sure he wanted to talk right now. As much as he missed Jung-mo, it hurt to know that he hadn't spoken a word to him since the day the post got released. And to think that Jung-mo even said some horrible things... it broke Hyeong-jun's heart. He sighed, "It's getting late, Jung-mo. Maybe another time."

Hyeong-jun started walking past him, but was surprised as he felt a hand desperately grabbing onto his arm, "Wait—!"

Hyeong-jun stopped dead in his tracks but still didn't turn around.

"Please!" Jung-mo pleaded, finally looking up, "Hyeong-jun, I miss you so much..."

Hyeong-jun hesitantly turned, not believing what Jung-mo was saying, "Do you really?"

"Of course I do!" Jung-mo seemed a little offended that he questioned him.

"How am I supposed to believe that?" Hyeong-jun's voice shook in pain, instantly feeling the need to cry.

Jung-mo was stunned into silence. He didn't have any response that would work as a valid answer, so he changed the topic, "I just... I miss you. I miss how we used to be."

"Used to be? This isn't..." Hyeong-jun paused, "Jung-mo, I know the things you've been saying. I know how you feel about these things."

Jung-mo suddenly rambled a little, very distraught, "Is there... really nothing you can do—?"

"Nothing I can do?" Hyeong-jun questioned, "This is just who I am, Jung-mo! I can't do anything about it! Nothing has changed about me! The only thing that changed was that you chose to leave me after something I kept secret got exposed by the person you swore you'd never be like. And you didn't even speak a word to me since then—!"

"You're right, Hyeong-jun!" Jung-mo interrupted. His cheeks were wet, and Hyeong-jun only noticed now, but he didn't remember Jung-mo starting to cry in the first place. "I know I fucked up. I really did, Hyeong-jun. But all of this is just so... I just don't understand."

"Then please just..." Hyeong-jun stopped himself as couldn't finish his sentence, "Jung-mo, the two of us can't be friends if you'll constantly try to ignore the fact that I'm gay."

Jung-mo nearly flinched at that word and Hyeong-jun noticed immediately.

"You can't even hear the word without feeling disgusted, can you?"

"Th-that's not it!" Jung-mo cried, "Hyeong-jun, I still care about you! I really do! It's just..."

Hyeong-jun finally felt himself cry. He sighed, "You can't be friends with someone who's dating a guy."

Jung-mo spoke softly, "This isn't because of Tae-young, right?"

"Stop it! Please, just stop it, Jung-mo!" Hyeong-jun sobbed, "I didn't turn gay because of Tae-young! I've always been gay and that also means in all the years you've known me, I've liked guys. Stop trying to pin this like it's some problem! Can't you just be my friend despite something as meaningless as this?"

"These things are just..." Jung-mo cut himself off realizing what he was about to say. Instead, he let out a breath, "I want to change... I really do, Hyeong-jun."