The Hideout I Need

Chapter 31: You're a disgrace to the family

T/W: parental abuse

"Your food is great as always, Tae-young," his father smiled suggestively, "Maybe you should become a cook? I have connections to some of the best restaurants in Seoul that I'm sure would love to have you as an intern."

"Thank you, dad, but I don't have aspirations to cook professionally," Tae-young politely declined. He was focusing his gaze on his bowl to avoid his father's look, but he could feel the sense of disappointment in the quiet sigh.

Tae-young had invited his father over for dinner. They sat at Tae-young's low dining table, both of them sitting on the floor by the living room. It felt cozier than the actual dining table in the dining room. The table was filled with an array of dishes that Tae-young had prepared, all from meat and rice dishes to stews.

Today was the day after he talked to Hyeong-jun in the auditorium, thankfully a Saturday. Both he and Hyeong-jun probably needed the weekend after this long week. He spontaneously decided to invite his father over for dinner and was surprised when he said yes. He hadn't seen his father in person for quite a long time, seeing as they're both busy people these days. He thought he could attempt at maybe catching up, trying to be more like a family. After all, he did love his father despite all the things that had happened. But Tae-young also had an important thing he wanted to do. He had decided to come out tonight.

Tae-young wondered if maybe the first step to confessing his feelings was to confess who he was to the people near him. Or maybe some buried-down traditionalist part of him also just wanted his father's approval on the person he loved. Whatever the reason, he wanted to tell his father the way he was feeling. Maybe it could also bring them closer if he showed a little bit of vulnerability? When he thought about it, he felt hopeful.

He remembered asking Hyeong-jun how he came out to his sister. It was a question he asked quite early on, sometime between the confession and the trip to Itaewon. When he heard the story, he felt incredibly touched. Not everybody was able to receive such good reactions; he still remembered the aftermath of the fight that Yeong-hoon had with his parents after he came out. But Tae-young felt optimistic when he thought about Hyeong-jun's coming-out story.

Hyeong-jun came out to Hyeon-ah when he was maybe 14? He was quite young, it was before they moved out of their grandparents' apartment. Hyeon-ah must've also only been around 18 or 19, seeing as she hadn't graduated high school yet.

He had to muster up a lot of courage to even speak to her. The overwhelming feeling of anxiety that had struck his chest made him wanna cry. He thought about keeping it bottled inside, but he felt like he might burst. He just seriously didn't know how to tell her. He sat anxiously in the living room of their grandparents' apartment waiting for her to come home from school. He was home alone, so sitting there all by himself made him even more anxious.

But finally, he heard keys rustle from the outside and the door opening. He shot up from the couch and looked at her, "Hyeon-ah..."

"Oh, hey, how was school?" she asked calmly as she walked in, taking off her schoolbag, jacket and shoes.

"It, uh... it was fine," his voice shook quietly. No matter how hard he tried, the words just didn't seem to come out. She was about to walk towards their shared room at the time, but got interrupted by Hyeong-jun trying to keep her attention, "Hyeon-ah, I..."

She stopped walking, looking back at him with a confused look. "What is it?" she furrowed her brows, not knowing why Hyeong-jun was acting so weirdly. She was met with his guilty-looking expression, "It feels like you want to tell me something, but you don't dare to."

Hyeong-jun suddenly had the strong urge to cry. His breath was shaking rapidly as he started walking up closer to her. His chest started hurting, feeling incredibly weak in front of his strong and independent older sister, even though he had just recently grown taller than her. He really couldn't get any words out of his mouth, "I..."