everything i didn't say | jeong yunho

nine.

2 months passed since she started going to therapy. things were slowly looking up for her. she still had frequent headaches and it would get really bad at times, but the therapy was helping. it was buying her more time.

throughout all these times, she grew closer to yunho. he was always there for her. they would sometimes bring up the past and everything but so far they haven't mentioned anything about getting back together.

neither of them knew what to do with their emotions. it was clear that it was happening all over again. they were both slowly falling in love with each other all over again.

but neither of them wanted to talk about it. yunho only prioritised her wellbeing and her health, and she simply didn't want to admit that she's falling for him again. she kept reminding herself that he's only being nice to her and helping her out as a friend.

that day, yunho had to leave in the middle of basketball practice after receiving a phone call from the doctor. they told him that hanabi had relapsed, and she was having one of the worst possible episode. yunho's coach was not happy with him fleeing in the middle of practice like that, but he promised he would come back with an explanation.

now there he was, rushing into her ward only to find her shaking and crying on her own as she wraps her petite figure in her blanket.

he rushed to her side, holding her hand and caressing the back of it with his thumb in attempt to calm her down.

"hanabi, hanabi what happened?" yunho asked, teary eyed at the sight. his heart shattered having to look at her in this condition.

she didn't respond for awhile. she was just crying and shaking the entire time. yunho stayed by her side the whole time. he kept telling her to take as much time as she needed, and that he'll always be there for her.

"i'm sorry..." she croaked, her voice cracking as she speaks.

"you don't have anything to be sorry for."

"no. i do. i hate having to depend on you. i'm sorry you're the only one i have left. i'm so sorry..." his heart broke having to hear her apologise over and over again. it's not even her fault, he never saw it that way, and he never will.

"i want to do the things i never got to do, but i'm so weak now. sometimes i can't even lift a pen up without having a sudden headache. i find it hard to even do simple things, i feel so helpless."

"it's not your fault, hanabi. don't be so hard on yourself. you have to keep going, you're strong and i know it. you should never give up okay? keep trying as long as you can, i'll always be cheering on you on the side." hanabi found so much comfort in his words and him in general that it almost felt unreal to her.

then she'd always remind herself that she has to keep going for him. she gave up on him once, and she can't give up again. not on him, not on herself.

"yunho..." she calls out as she closed her eyes, trying to stabilise her breathing.

"yes?"

"if i can't do whatever i wanted to do before, you should. and i know how much you like basketball. you should do everything you can to pursue it. i know you can do it," she breathes, her voice getting softer.

"i will. i'll do it for you. and you'll fight for your life too. we can both do it."

"no. do it for yourself," she flashed a quick pained smile.

"i will. go get some rest okay? i'll visit you again."

"goodnight," she softly speaks with her eyes still closed.

"goodnight. rest well, i love you," yunho's voice grew quieter each word.

then she chuckled softly before shaking her head. "no you don't. you're just looking out for me out of pity."

yunho instantly disagreed with that statement. he hated how she felt that way. he wanted to tell her everything. how he truly felt, how he's been feeling all these while. but today wasn't a good time for that. he would tell her the truth eventually, but now wasn't the time.

he didn't want to bring it up because he couldn't risk putting even the slightest bit of stress in her. he didn't want to see her suffering again, especially because of him. she was getting better up until now, so he couldn't be selfish now.

"i love you, hanabi. i think i always have, and i never stopped," he breathed, gently patting her sleeping figure, being careful not to wake her up.