Everyone's Out to Get Me

I've Come To The Conclusion That Elves Are Suicidal

"Is this the entrance or something? Alden, I'm wearing socks." Wet socks should be considered a form of torture.

We were in the middle of nowhere, on a patch of dark rocks surrounded by white-capped waves. The only signs of life were a few seagulls, and all they did was screech and shit.

Yes, it is. Don't worry about the water, you'll see." I've had enough surprises today. "You couldn't leap because the light doesn't reach underwater."

"It's like you read my mind," I mumbled. Alden just laughed.

It didn't help mood that my shoes kept slipping on the rocks as I walked behind Fitz. As for the outfit I mentioned, that was a bust. I was given a red dress and red shoes to wear. Apparently, I was a sign of status for a girl to wear a gown. Utter bullshit. I refused.

They obviously didn't want to deal with my ass since they let me stay in my original outfit. Better than a pocket-less dress. Alden did warn me that there was going to be members of the nobility wandering around because of their offices there. Apparently, Atlantis is a 'noble city' but they can have both my third fingers.

What was strange is seeing Weirdo in elvin clothes: a long blue tunic with elaborate embroidery around the edges and slender pockets sewn into the sleeves—the exact same size as his pathfinder. Black boots completed the look. Why does he get pockets and I don't? Sounds sexist. Doesn't matter anyways.

Should have seen his face when I asked about the tights and pointy shoes—IT WAS PRICELESS!

A rock moved under my foot and I fell on my ass, God still hates me. Fitz put an arm out to help me up and I accepted, somewhat gratefully.

"This happens to my sister all the time, she's clumsy too."

"I'm not clumsy, I just have a toxic relationship with balance," I said standing up. He and Alden chuckled. "So, Atlantis really sank?" I asked, I'm trying hard to understand what going on here, as I followed him to a ledge high above the water.

"The Ancients engineered the catastrophe," Alden answered. He opened a secret compartment in the side of the strange rock, revealing hundreds of tiny glass bottles, grabbed one, and joined them on the ledge. "How else would humans think we disappeared?"

"There are literally hundreds of other ways you could've done this." I'm sensing a trend here—they love doing things the difficult way. I don't know if I'll be able to keep up.

Speaking of difficult, the bottle he picked up was labled ONE WHIRLPOOL. OPEN WITH CARE. So they have a death wish, too.

"Step back," Alden warned. He uncorked the bottle and threw it into the ocean. A huge blast of wind whipped our faces as the roar of churmimg water filled the air. "Ladies first," Alden shouted, pointing to the edge.

"I'm sorry—what?" He didn't expect- no way! "How about you demonstrate!" I shouted back. He nodded. Phew, I am not dying first.

I almost screamed when he actually jumped. "YOU GUYS ARE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MINDS!"

Fitz laughed beside me. "Your turn." I did not hesitate. I took the phrase "do a flip" a little too seriously. When I hit the whirlpool, it took a second for me to realize I wasn't drowning, thank God. It felt like the most insane waterslide ever!

I have to say that elves have amazing travel methods.

All too soon, I was spit out of the vortex onto a giant sponge. It was like being licked by a pack of kittens, minis the breath, and then the sponge sprung back,  leaving me standing on a giant cushion. "Again," was all that came out. Alden seemed relieved for some reason, the his eyes widened.