Everyone's Out to Get Me

I Meet My Idol!

"Gods, how much longer?"

"Yeah, try not to get banished. You will not survive." He's laughing at me. I can tell. Even if his face is still flat right now and he hasn't even chuckled. I've maybe asked that fifty times in the five minutes we've been walking.

Recap! Tam told me how he ended up banished. Bro had the moral compass of a direct Jesus descendant: he wasn't even banished! His sister was.

'Oh, and who is this mysterious sister, Sophie?" I'M SO FUCKING GLAD YOU ASKED!

"So... The Girl of Many Floods-"

"Linh."

"Does Linh currently have a girlfriend?"

"What?"

"Better question, does Linh like girls?"

"Please leave Linh alone."

"So, she doesn't?

"What is actually wrong with you?"

"A lot."

During this entire exchange, Tam was trying and somewhat struggling to push his way through a really thick tower of weird grass.

"Dude, what is this place."

"You're giving me PTSD again."

"You know, I'm very interested in who fucked you up that badly."

"He didn't 'fuck me up'. Please, he's just annoying."

"Sounds gay."

"Dude," Tam said as he finally broke through. "I really should have left you in the bushes."

"I wasn't the one sleeping on the ground."

Before Tam could eloquently reply a girl's voice rang out from behind the bushes. "Tam? Who're you talking to?"

The wall of weirdly strong grass gave way to a clearing with a oddly huge tent in the middle.

Now me, being me, could barely contain my excitement and almost ate dirt. Damn these pretty elves. You could really tell they were twins—they had the same face and matching silver in their hair.

One hundred percent would scream if I saw them in a hotel hallway asking me to go play with them.

Actually, I one hundred percent would go anywhere Linh told me to.

"Do you like girls?" The only response I got was a leaf in my mouth.

"This is Sophie. Who I really should have left in the forest."

"Ugh! What the hell, Tam? Who knows what pissed on those leaves!" I complained, coughing up the leaf, "Jeez, I'm gonna barf..."

Tam only met eyes with Linh as if to say "See what I have to deal with?"

Or maybe he did tell her that. "Wannabe Telepath." I mumbled.

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. I'm not as weird as he's making me out to be." I tried to save my reputation with Linh because this jackass was not ruining it.

With a nervous laugh Linh asked me what I was doing out here which led to another recount of my life story.

"And so, I don't think they want me anymore. Can't say I can blame them—I'm a literal pain in the ass. 'Course I have a reason for that but I am self aware." But tell me why Linh was hugging me, though. "A-ha! But you guys 've had it rough. Wanna do a roast pit on your parents?"

"You just spilled an entire tragic story about child experimentation and you're asking us if we want to shit-talk our parents." Well, shit, he had a point there.

"See, if you out it like that it sounds like a crime and not a quirky event in my life made for character development."

"You're actually hopeless."

"I thought we were trauma bonding, Tam. Don't be a such an emo."

"A what?"

I 'la-la-la'ed my way out of explaining that so I don't have to move from Linh's lap as she goes therapist mode on me. "Don't you have to get home? It's really late. I know you said your parents got a scroll to "un-adopt" you but you don't know for sure if they signed it." She was quoting my exact words when she said "un-adopt" with air quotes.

'Stop making good points, Linh," I groaned. I opened my mouth to say something when my satchel started ringing. Fuck."

I rolled off of Linh and grabbed my imparter out of my bag. "Where the hell are you?" Dex asked through the screen.

"Know, you could have texted me."

"Right, sure, whatever. But it's two in the morning and Aunt Eda and Grady are losing it!"

"Uh," I looked over to Tam and Linh who were watching in silence. "I just got a little lost on my Great Foxfire Survey. I'm on my way back right now!"

Dex glared through the screen. He was clearly worried and I felt a little bad for stressing the poor guy. "You do know you can leap right?"

I quickly feigned ignorance. That's my ticket out right there! "...Fucking hell. I completely forgot you can do that! I'm really used to just wandering until I find my way back."

Dex gave me a somewhat understanding What the fuck is wrong with you? look. "Hurry," he begged.

"I'm on my way! Jeez. Glad to know you missed me."

"I just want to sleep, Soph."

"Love you too!" I hung up before he could respond to that. "Okay... So..." I started, digging out my home crystal.

"Sure you're okay to go back?" Linh asked. Sweet, considerate Linh. You might be my new favourite person.

"I'll be fine. Uh, probably. If anything I'll just get funnier because my Trauma to Humor ratio is entirely proportional."

She shared a look with Tam clearly concerned about my well being. Which was good and bad. Good because hey! New friends!—said the friendship starved thirteen year-old until almost a year ago.

Bad because that just adds more people worrying about me. God, I really do cause problems.

"Hey, I'll be fine. If anything, my ass is just grounded for a while." That seemed to convince her a little.

"You can come back here anytime," she said. Tam nodded.

These fuckers are about to make me cry, I swear. Let me feel unwanted in peace,

"...Yeah. Yeah, thanks." The façade is falling! This is a no genuine feeling zone. Get. It. The. Fuck. Together.

"Oh, you know what? Here," I fished out a phone that me and Dex—mostly Dex, Mr. Technopath in denial—were working on, which was more like a imparter with better-working smartphone features.

I will make elves texting addicts if it's the last thing I do. (I hate video calls.)

I gave them a five minute crash course on how to text and added my contact. "That way you'll know if I actually got grounded and didn't abandon you."

Your abandonment issues are showing Sophie, I thought to myself.

Maybe I just think they'd gone through enough, I thought back, like a crazy person.

"Fuck, okay I need to go." I gave Linh a quick hug and flipped off Tam. He returned the gesture so I think that's going to be the equivalent of a hug for us.

Can you tell I love bullying my friends? Me neither! I am literally still new to this.

Leaving my freshly made besties, I was met with  a small crowd of people.

Dex yawned. "You're so grounded."

— I love the twins
plz point out any typos ly bye