Guns & Roses || Namkook

9. Hold me tight

"Kook, is there something specific you want?", Namjoon asks as he skims through the aisles. Jungkook hums, looking at all the processed food cans curiously. He has never had to go out for grocery shopping, he has people doing that for him.

It's quite fascinating to see Namjoon expertly walking around the store and knowing exactly what he wants to pick. Jungkook, on the other hand, is having a hard time deciding what he needs. He doesn't know how bills work so he's not sure whether he'll be disrupting this man's budget by asking for certain things.

Wait. Why is worried about Namjoon's budget? What the fuck?

"Jungkook, I asked you something", Namjoon repeats, effectively snapping Jungkook out of his thoughts. "Oh- right. Sorry. I just got d-distracted", he stutters out. Namjoon just chuckles, shaking his head, clearly endeared.

"I don't think you should buy so many things for me, Namjoon. I still haven't managed to get a job", because I haven't been trying. "And I feel really guilty that you spend so much on things I should be able to get for myself. Especially because I know I can't return your money anytime soon", he says, trying to sound extra pathetic but there's actual guilt lingering deep inside his heart that he can't seem to shake off no matter how much he tries.

"Oh, come on, Kook", Namjoon huffs, throwing a pack of gluten free bread in the cart. "I earn enough to feed ten people, Jungkook. And that's not even why I'm doing this. I buy you things because I want to, not because I feel obliged to do so. And you're struggling right now but that doesn't mean you're any less than me. Please don't feel guilty. You can return all the money once you're able to get a job. Until then, let me help you out, yeah?", he smiles sweetly.

Jungkook finds himself unconsciously smiling back. He doesn't understand this. The thing that's gradually growing inside him... He can feel it. He knows it's there but he can't pin point what exactly it is. All that he knows is the fact that this thing only seems to appear when he's with Namjoon.

He gets startled by his own thoughts and looks up, only to find Namjoon already walking towards the other corner of the store. He's quick to run after Namjoon who laughs when he catches a glimpse of Jungkook's disheveled mess of hair, combing his fingers through the strands.

When Jungkook's heart beats a tad bit faster, he blames it on the running he just did.

💓

"Any progress?", Jeongyeon asks. Jungkook nods and then realizes he's on the phone, his boss can't see him. "Yeah, it's looking good. He's starting to really trust me", he admits, ignoring the way his heart twists inside his chest.

"That's really good, JK. I knew I could trust you with this", Jeongyeon praises. Jungkook preens under the compliments. "I need you to do one more thing for me, though", Jeongyeon says, sounding extremely serious. He stands upright, back straight as he looks at the night sky from Namjoon's balcony.

"I need you to gain some information for me. Regarding his family. I'm sure he must've told you at least a little bit about them", the boss says. Jungkook frowns. "Boss, I'm sorry, he really hasn't yet opened up about his relations to The Serpentines", he says, apologetic.

Jeongyeon tuts. "It's fine. You still have a lot of time left. Besides, I'm sure you're smart enough to lure him in your trap. I believe in you", she chuckles. Jungkook follows suit, snickering at her words. "Sure, boss. I'm on it", he assures. "Can I ask you something though?", he adds as an afterthought.

Jeongyeon simply hums, letting him know that he's free to go ahead and ask whatever that's on his mind. "Do you really think Namjoon would have any important data about his family? As far as I know, he hardly associates himself with them. I don't think he might have anything important to give us", he says honestly.

"You never know, JK. People are not always what they seem to be. Besides, he must know something important that our spies must be missing. They're immediate family and I've heard they would die for him if they had to", she says, scoffing. Jungkook knows she's rolling her eyes.

"Well, they would", he replies, laughing as well. "Alright, JK. Let us know when you have a proper lead, yeah? I have some unfinished business to get back to. Talk to you later", she says. "Sure thing", he replies and waits for her to hang up the call before sighing heavily.

"Jungkook, are you okay?"

Namjoon's voice doesn't surprise Jungkook, not anymore. He's kind of used to it now. He doesn't know if it makes him feel better or worse. He's not sure if he likes acknowledging that fact.

"I'm fine", he replies shortly. He doesn't see it but he feels Namjoon's presence right next to him. "The sky's so dull tonight", he comments. Jungkook hums, looking at the blank canvas that is the sky, totally starless, a rare occurrence.

Jungkook's heart feels like the sky tonight. Just a little bit. A blank canvas full of possibilities. He could paint any feeling, any emotion onto it if he wanted to. The thing is, he doesn't want to. He can't.

"What are you thinking?", Namjoon asks, nudging his shoulder, stopping his train of thoughts. "Nothing, just... stuff", he replies. Namjoon doesn't force him to elaborate.

"You know, Kook, whenever I feel down, a hug from my best friend is all I need to feel at least a little bit better. I know we're not best friends and I might not know the way you cope with sadness but if you'd like...", he trails off, letting the words hang in between them so that Jungkook can interpret them however he wants.

Jungkook's lower lip wobbles a little and he knows Namjoon can't see it but it makes him feel pathetic. He doesn't know where all these emotions are coming from. He hates feeling like this. Just now he was laughing and joking with Jeongyeon but now he feels like his whole world is ending.

"Please", he chokes out.

In the darkness, he feels Namjoon's arms snake around his shoulders, wrapping into one of the warmest of hugs he has ever received. Not that he recieved them frequently.

He sobs silently, wrapping his own arms around Namjoon's waist, feeling helpless and guilty.

So, so guilty.