Dishing The Dirt: Tommy Lee • Mötley Crüe •

Chapter 19

Everything was warm, but I felt this ice cold breeze hit me occasionally. I smiled to myself as I lay there. Greece was perfect... my life, with Tommy, was perfect. I placed my hand over my tummy and began to rub it.

"Tommy?" I mumbled.

I was expecting him to grumble something and then pull me into him like he always did.

"Tommy!?" I yelled as I kicked my leg out. It wasn't like him to ignore me.

I was expecting to feel a long, hairy leg but instead it was empty and I hit the ground with a huge thud. I instantly opened my eyes and found myself looking up at a hammock.

Last night must have been rough!?

I moved my hair out of my face and looked round. I was on some kinda hilltop.I looked around for Tommy but he wasn't there.

I stood up and my ribs instantly ached. I put my hand over my ribs and covered my eyes as I looked out to try and get some kinda idea of where I was. I saw the ocean so I headed towards that.

As I walked, I could feel my toes in between the grass but then it suddenly turned to pins and needles. I reached down to look at my feet and I heard laughing.

As I looked up I saw an elderly woman and a little girl running around a picnic table. It was white plastic with a red and white table cloth. There was so much food but it was food I used to eat as a kid.

I smelt a familiar perfume, L'eur du Temps by Nina Ricci. My grandmother always used to wear it. I remember, anytime I went over to her house I'd always spray some on me and I always loved the bottle, it was an elegant shape with a yellow liquid inside and two doves kissing.

"You made it"

I felt like my heart stopped.

"Grandma!?" I said, almost whispering.

"Don't just stand there, sit down! The food is getting cold" she smiled as she waved for me to come over.

I slowly walked over and the little girl was running around trying to catch some butterflies. She had hazel eyes but dark brown curly hair that was tied in a ponytail with a ribbon. Her skin was tanned and she had a little freckle just by her eyebrow. She had the most beautiful smile and rosey red cheeks.

"Sophia! Come and sit with your mother!" Grandma yelled.

Sophia... I instantly casted my mind back to that little girl I saw in the street.

"Where's her mom?" I asked as I helped her sit down.

I pulled her chair close to the table and tucked a napkin into the top of her t shirt so her clothes didn't get messy.

They looked at each other and started to laugh.

"Mommy's silly" Sophia giggled as she started to dive into the plate of food my grandma passed to her.

I looked over at her to try and find some kind of answer.

"She looks just like Tommy doesn't she?" She smiled.

"How do you know about..."

"I'm always with you" she said as she poured me a drink and smiled at Sophia as she brushed her thumb against her cheek.

I frowned as I tried to make sense of everything.

"What's going on? What am I doing here?" I asked. There was no way I could ever sit down and talk to my grandma and "daughter" like this unless I was dreaming or...

"A-Am I...dead?" I asked.

She smiled. "That's up to you" she shrugged.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"It was a bad crash" she said. She pointed her hand out to the ocean and it turned into some futuristic screen.

It started to replay the events of the crash as if it was from my eyes. I quickly put my hand over Sophia's eyes so she didn't see. As the footage finished, the screen disappeared. I took a deep breath and tried to process everything.

I looked over at my grandma. "But you... you're gone... does this mean Sophia-"

"No. She's still with you" she said.

"Grandma...where am I?" I asked.

"In another world... one that isn't life, but it isn't death" she said.

My grandma always spoke in riddles, she never made much sense. She was like the towns crazy lady.

"How do I get back?" I asked.

"You have to take Sophia and you have to find the door" she said.

"Door? What door!?" I asked.

Sophia started to cough and cry. I instantly picked her up and tried to help her. I started to panic as she was choking on a small piece of cheese that I managed to flick out of her throat in time.

"You're okay! You're okay!" I don't know who was more relieved, me or Sophia. I cuddled her and I didn't want to let her go.

I looked up at my grandma and she was smiling at me. "You'll recognise it when you see it... you have to accept and let go before you can go back" she said.

I frowned at her as I held Sophia close to me.

"I'm so sorry Vanessa. I love you so much. Please don't hate me"

I heard Tommy's voice coming from above, like it was in the sky.

"Dad?" Sophia asked as she looked up at the sky, trying to find him.

"His voice will get louder the closer you get to him" she said as she stood up.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

She walked over to me and placed her hand on my cheek.

"My sweet Nessie. You're a woman now... a mother. I'm so proud of everything you've done, just remember that I love you and I will always, always, be with you - both of you" she said as she smiled down at Sophia and brushed her baby hairs out of her face.

She reached down and wrapped us both up in a hug. I closed my eyes as I held both of them close to me and when I opened my eyes... she was gone.

I looked over at Sophia and she was smiling up at me, it was such a Tommy smile.

"Where did she go?" I said to myself as I looked around.

"She's with grandpa now, in the stars" she said as she put her fingers together and made a diamond shape.

I could feel my eyes tear up but I couldn't waste anymore time, I needed to get home and I needed to find Tommy. I took a deep breath and pulled myself together. I looked down at Sophia and smiled. "Okay, come on, let's go find this door" I said as we stood up and she placed her hand inside of mine.