I Did My Worst

He Hugged Me Dean

Dean.

I was relaxing on the couch watching tv waiting for Cas to come home any minute when the doorbell rang taking my attention away from the show. I reluctantly got up and made my way over to it looking out the peephole first and seeing a familiar face. However I had no interest in opening the door for me, and he rang it again.
"Dean I know you're in there, your car is out here." he said through the door and I backed away from it entirely.
Was that wrong of me, to not want to open the door for him? I walked into the kitchen to get myself a glass of water when I heard the door I just walked away from open. I immediately put the glass down and walked back in front of it and to my surprise it was Cas.
"Luce, look I get it you're my brother but I don't know if me or Dean for that matter is comfortable with you coming into our house." I heard him say and I walked up behind him resting my hands on his shoulders.
"Let him in." I said and Cas looked back at me and I gave him a reassuring look.
He let his big brother in, the first time Lucifer has ever stepped into this house. As of now I'm not gonna question how he knew our address and just assume his mother gave it to him. He came in and we all flowed to the kitchen and I got him a glass of water.
"You two have a gorgeous home." he said and I had to restrain myself from rolling my eyes at him.
"Thank you, what do you want." Cas said with a dead serious tone.
"Brother, I just want to spend time with you before I'm shipped off to the looney bin. Is that so bad?"
"All things considered, you've never wanted to hang out with me. Even when we were kids, why the sudden change of heart?"
"Being locked up changes a person, those people in there, the things they've done and take pride in doing. Trust me when I say I've heard some crazy stories in there." he told us and took a sip of the water I gave to him.
"So it was scary?" I questioned and all eyes were directed towards me.
"Scary doesn't even begin to cover it, I was with people who committed crimes I wouldn't even dare to dream of. I was bunked with someone who kidnapped kids and murdered them ten years ago for crying out loud." he replied and I felt a little bad for him but at the same time intrigued.
"Not to far fetched from your crimes, only the kidnapping didn't last long and fortunately no one was murdered." Cas brought up and I leaned on the island.
"I know, I know, but some of those people really took lives. I just royally fucked up a few and no matter how many times I say I'm sorry I know words can't make up for what I did, not even in the slightest." he said.
Now I didn't want to sympathize with him but I could tell as of right now in this exact moment he was trying. I was open to letting him try but I don't think Castiel was and that's okay, this is his brother and we'll take this at his pace.
"You know, we're trying to adopt a kid." I blurted out and I felt Castiels eyes shoot daggers at me.
I looked up to see Lucifer smiling so widely and he began to clap his hands in excitement.
"Thanks fantastic you two! Already starting your family and doing big things with your life."
"You already know it." I said.
"I can't wait to possibly one day meet my niece or nephew. But even if I can't at least send me pictures of them." he said smile dropping from his face a little.
"I'll see what I can do when the time comes." I told him and looked at Cas giving him a small smile.

We spent two hours talking in the kitchen about random things and the two brothers reminiscing about their childhood highlights together. Lucifer was genuinely trying to piece back together his family that he'd broken years ago as best he could within his time he had with us. I could tell he wanted everything to be better and everyone to feel better but no amount of words and promises he spilled would fix what he'd done or change anything  for that matter. But exactly how long would this last, he was bound to snap at some point that's the entire reason he's even going to a psychiatric unit. I left and let them talk some things over before I heard voices and footsteps coming close to me in the living room. I turned around to see Cas and Luce walking in the direction of the door.
"Thank you again for letting me come in and talk. I hope to do this again, it was nice." Lucifer said with a smile as he opened our front door.
"Yeah, just give us a heads up next time." I laughed and he joined in.
"Bye Luce, travel safe okay." Cas said and his brother pulled him in for a hug.
"I love you man." were his final words before walking outside and to the car he came in.
Cas closed the door and wrapped his arms around himself making him look small and I immediately got off the couch and over to him.
"It's okay, you're okay." I said pulling him into a hug where he broke down in my arms.
We slowly sank down to the ground and he just cried. But not any sort of crying this was painful. It made me tear and a cry a little with him. It was so full of hurt, his tears were falling down his face rapidly, he let out screams of pain like he'd just watched someone die, he choked on the air around him and all I could do was hold him and tell he he was okay. I felt useless in this situation but what else was I suppose to do here? I had a good idea as to why he was crying the way he was but at the same time I wasn't sure. We stayed like that for at least an hour maybe longer until he started to calm down. He was no longer screaming, just light sobs here and there, he was breathing a lot more normally now but he would hiccup every now and then. I know he had to be exhausted from all of that but I didn't want to move, I didn't want us to move. My shirt was wet from his tears and clung to my chest which was uncomfortable but I'd do anything for him. I kissed his forehead and he looked up at me, tears in his eyes but no longer streaming down his face.
"I'm sorry." he choked out.
"For what? You've done nothing wrong." I told him and he sat up forcing me to let go of him.
"I just broke down for no reason."
"And that's okay Castiel, you don't need a reason to do things sometimes. And if you ask me that was you being strong to even acknowledge your emotions." I told him placing my hand on his cheek.
"He hugged me Dean." he choked out and I nodded seeing the tears in his eyes begin to fall again.
"Yeah he did baby." I almost whispered resting my forehead against his.
I had tears that threatened to fall down my face but I wouldn't let them. I at least needed to be strong for him in this moment. His moment of vulnerability.
"He hugged me and told me he loved me, that hasn't happened in years." he spoke up voice almost inaudible.
I lifted my head up off of his and took my finger under his chin to lift his up as well. His eyes were a lighter shade of blue than normal and were coated with tears. It was a sad yet beautiful sight to see him cry ever. I pressed a gentle kiss on his forehead and then another on his lips vaguely getting a taste of tears. I began to get up helping him up along with me and we walked to the bed room. He kicked off his shoes and I helped him out of his scrubs, I pulled back the blanket and he crawled into bed. I went to the kitchen and turned out all the lights before returning to the room to see him facing the wall curled into a ball. I turned off the light and walked blindly through the darkness to our bed. I got underneath the covers and wrapped my arms around him to pull him close to me. I heard him let out a shaky breath and I kissed his shoulder. And with that we drifted to sleep exhausted at eight pm.

another chapter, this one hurt a little to make but that's okay. if y'all didn't know i have a new harry styles book out it's called syndicate. i also made a twitter to keep y'all updated and make jokes it's called @//loconnection (lo connection)
i hope y'all had a good easter if you celebrate it, Ramadan starts today! my birthday is next week, it's been an interesting month.