Take My Hand

51 I give in to Sin

Marcus was confused. Lukas had a relationship with his boyfriend that he thought wasn't possible. How can a Dom be a sub's boyfriend? Didn't that make an unfair power advantage in the relationship?

He sat in the backseat of the car as the four of them drove over to Sasha's apartment to watch a movie. His head was scrambled. It wasn't right. Lukas didn't know what he was getting himself into. Not really. He was just a kid.

Demyan could rationalise all he liked, but Marcus knew. He knew. It was too easy to get trapped. Too easy to become isolated and vulnerable. That was when it would start. Just a little slap here and an unreasonable rule there...

Too many men thought their subs had no rights. They thought the love of hardcore play meant that they could humiliate, abuse, and own another person all the time. The mental torture was worse though.

How easy was it to spiral down into insecurity and despair? Too easy. This world was too quick to judge the innocent victims as deserving when it didn't want to acknowledge the darkness of those who created them.

Humiliation was only a game so far. Pain was only a pleasure when it was meted out carefully. When a sub let go and crossed into that vulnerable space, they could be in great danger too.

Once a Dom crossed the line, it wasn't fun anymore. It was shameful. Terrifying. It was abuse and degradation of the soul. Once a partner lost control... a sub could become a victim... like him.

"Lukas, did you want to... uh, make coffee?" Marcus stood in the doorway of the living room with a tense face. Sasha and Demyan sat and exchanged a glance.

"Lukas why don't you two make some scrambled eggs as well. We should all warm up after the cold treat. Yes?" Sasha suggested with a pointed look. Lukas nodded and smiled, following Marcus to the kitchen.

"You are uncomfortable. I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do to help? You can leave at any time, Marcus." Lukas was wringing his hands and spoke in a low voice, so the others didn't hear them.

"What are you doing, Lukas?" Marcus asked with a strained voice.

"What?" Lukas looked confused.

"He is grooming you. You know that? He is fucking grooming you!" He whispered in a distressed voice. Lukas look cleared and he smiled a little.

"Marcus. Calm down. We can talk about this but give me a minute. Wait a second." He left the room, and in another second the two Doms were putting on their shoes. Sasha glanced at him with a blank face on the way out, and he flinched.

"You need to leave him. Doms don't make good boyfriends. Listen to me, Lukas. He is grooming you to be his toy. Nothing more. Get out while you still can." Marcus' breathing was elevated, and he gripped the counter tightly.

"Marcus, take deep breaths. Calm down. Here, have some water and sit." Lukas poured a glass of cold water and sat at the table. Marcus reluctantly sat with him.

"You haven't thought this through." He argued. Lukas shook his head.

"I have. Marcus, I have. Trust me. I thought about staying in my house with my parents. I thought about going to college or university. I thought about a lot of what ifs. I get it, that I am vulnerable like this, but I trust him." Lukas tried explaining.

"You shouldn't! He is older than you. He has all the power in this relationship. You don't know what you are getting into, Lukas." Marcus could feel the tears in his eyes pricking.

"Marcus... he isn't your old Dom. He wants me to be a better person. He encourages me to learn, be respectful, make friends even. I know you don't want to hear that he is different, but he is. He is a different person." Lukas argued back.

"He could change. He could break you." Marcus felt the tear slip out and slide down his face.

"You are right. He could. If I let him. But that goes for any partner. He doesn't have to be a Dom to break me. He could just be my boyfriend. That's... it's just part of trusting people." Lukas said with a defeated look.

"People can look attractive and kind people, and really be a selfish or horrible person on the inside. Men can be gentle when you meet them, and then turn into possessive abusive assholes once they catch your devotion."

"There are no guarantees. Male or female, you don't know who someone is until they show you. Relationships can suck... but they can be really great too. When you find that person... the one that matches you perfectly... it can be really great."

Marcus watched Lukas' expressions as he spoke. It was like when he was a child and would look up at the priest in his white robes in the pulpit. He had been fascinated by the passion on the man's face. Faith, they called it.

When did he lose his faith? When his church kicked him out? When his family turned away in disgust? Or was it when the man who said he loved him first raised his fists against him in anger? Marcus trembled. His mind felt battered, bruised, and utterly exhausted.

But... "He'll use you." He whispered. Lukas took his hand carefully.

"He'll love me." He replied with certainty. Marcus blinked.

"He's training you." He countered fiercely. Lukas smiled.

"I know. I asked him to." Was the firm response.

"You can't escape." Marcus covered his eyes with a trembling hand. Lukas gripped the other tightly.

"I don't want to... and I don't need to. I am safe." Marcus heard the words tremble and looked at him. Lukas didn't look afraid, he looked... sympathetic.

"You think I am pathetic." His mouth tightened. Lukas shook his head.

"I think you are hurt. You've been hurt by someone, and you are worried about me. But I am worried about you too." Lukas insisted.

"Worried about me? Why?" Marcus was confused.

"Because you are still blaming yourself. Otherwise, you wouldn't be trying so hard to convince me to change my mind." He patted Marcus' hand and tried to smile, but it looked a bit ugly.

"It wasn't your fault, Marcus. He was the bad guy. You are a good boy..." His voice trailed off as Marcus bent over the table and sobbed. He pulled him forward into his arms and just held him as his snot and tears flowed.

Great heaving cries subsided slowly, and the two looked at each other awkwardly. Lukas reached over and handed him a dish towel to wipe his face. They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Is it okay if I stay a little longer?" Marcus asked without looking him in the eyes. Lukas cleared his throat.

"Of course. We are friends now." They had eye contact with each other and looked away again.

"How about that movie...?"

*

The Doms came back to the two of them sitting in the living room watching cartoons. Sasha appraised the situation and sat next to Lukas. Demyan sat in the chair, looking with concern at Marcus' reddened eyes, but kept his mouth shut. Marcus glanced at the pair on the couch with a thoughtful look.

"We should do this again some time." Sasha said after the program ended. Demyan looked quickly at Marcus and saw his glance towards himself before he was able to look away.

"I think I would like that." Marcus murmured... with a hint of red on his ears.

1278 wc