Saved || Jesse Rutherford ||

Truth

Jesse's POV
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't know what made me want to come clean...To tell her the truth, the full truth this time. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of losing her. Look how far we've come. She trusts me now, I can see it in her eyes...

Anyways, I want to come clean. She needs to hear the truth. It's my last chance at making her stay, even though the truth could push her to leave...

I've fucked up, too many times. I've broken her. I can't remember last night, but I can piece it together. Broken bottles. Lost of memory. The frightful look in her eyes when I told her to come to me.

That's what hurts worse I think. The way she looks at me. She would never tell you how hurt she was or how broken she is. But her eyes, God those eyes. They tell everything. And as I look at them right now, I only see a ghost. A fleeting image of the person she once was...And that shit kills me.

Truth is, I know I don't deserve her. She doesn't need this shit. Her life would be better with someone else. She would be happy. Probably worrying about what college she will go to in a few years. Or what she's going to do with her friends this weekend. Get a job possibly, but no. She's here stressing about me. And I won't lie, I'm enjoying every minute of it. What can I say, I'm a selfish bastard. I want...No need her.

I look down at her. Her small frame coiled on my lap, looking at me with those big brown eyes. Her soft lips parted slightly. Her hair was a mess but I didn't care.She looked so innocent, almost like a child...Maybe that's why I'm so infatuated by her. Maybe it's the fact that I can completely dominate her without any effort. I could take her right now and she would be helpless.

I won't lie, the thought has crossed my mind. But I wouldn't dare touch her without her consent...I would never.

I moved a stray piece of hair from her face and watch her eyes widened. She stayed still, anxious for me to begin.

The corners of my lips tugged into a smile. "My baby, ever so anxious."

"I should start with Tyler", I said unsure.

"Tyler and I have a very complicated and twisted past. We go back, way before the murder of his aunt. In fact, our fate was infinitely intertwined and sealed with the murder of his sister."

I heard a small gasp escape from her tender lips. My heart leaped. I was about to enter a dark place; my past.

I took a deep breath and decided to continue. "She needs to hear this. She needs to hear this...," I repeated to myself.

"Yes...Tyler had an older sister. She was about my age...If not a year younger...I met her in Highschool."

I looked down at my Baby to see if she was still listening. She was all ears. Her almond eyes were wide and her breathing ragged.

"We begin...seeing each other a short while after we met..."

"Wait...you guys dated?", her barely audible voice whispered.

I ran a hand through her hair and smiled inwardly. She must be jealous. I kissed the top of her hair ever so lightly.

"In a sense, yes we did Babe...But I assure you, she meant nothing to me. You are the only girl I have ever loved, the only one I will ever love. Don't ever doubt that."

That seemed to satisfy her. I decided to continue.

"At the time, I was a different person. I didn't really care about much. Always wasted. Always drunk. Life was just a blur, with no meaning. I was on a dangerous path to nowhere..," before I could continue, Ava interrupted me again.

"Why were you drinking?"

I hesitated. "Problems I guess...Let's save that topic for later Baby." I offered her a small smile and she seemed to get the hint. She nodded and I continued.

"I hung out with...some bad people. There was about 5 of us and they were the only people I considered friends...or thought they were. Well Tyler's family; his sister, aunt and him, had recently moved into town. She had just gotten into sophomore year, and I was a senior. At first my friend, Zach saw her. She was a sweet girl...Very innocent. The group and I were hanging out one day when someone brought up the topic of her. We made a bet. The person who could...strip her of her innocence first would get some prize...I don't really remember what it was but it was very stupid." I paused waiting for some type of reaction from Ava. I expected her to be shocked, even disgusted at me. I looked down towards her. Her eyes were still wide, still curious. I searched her face for some type of sign and found none.

"You took her virginity didn't you?"

I stiffened. "Yes." She merely nodded. I sighed and decided to continue.

"Well I won the bet...She gave it up about a month after we began dating...," I paused, "After that I didn't want anything else...There was nothing else she could give me. She began getting attached..And I don't blame her...I could tell she noticed my change of heart... But she didn't want to admit it...Not even to herself. She eventually found out about the bet...That's when she lost it. She called me in the middle of the night. She was in tears, desperate. I was a heartless son of a bitch then...I was cruel to her. I had no mercy. I told her everything and more. I hung up on her."

I paused and let out a deep breath, recalling the events of that night.

"She couldn't take it. She tried calling, texting, even called my friends. But I didn't care. The only thing I cared about was liquor, pussy, and weed. Well, eventually she faced the ugly truth. Then she lost it. And I lost her." I could feel stinging in my eyes.

"The next day, I got a call. It was from her aunt. She commited suicide."