euphoria💫❤️ ~ jayules

58

monday

~jayden pov

lately to be honest. my depression has been kicking my ass😕. it's like my only escape is julie. everytime i go see her my mind gets taken off the fact i'm sad and when we have sex i just feel some relief from the depression weirdly. nothing makes me happy anymore but my girlfriend. most of the time like when julie is at the studio after school and stuff i sit in my room in bed playing video games in silence with my door locked. my friends can't even help me at this point. it's just like they're there but i wouldn't go to them unless i had to or was invited to go somewhere. if they hit me up first i would answer that's what i've come to at this point and everyone thinks i'm being distant and i hate them. i don't. i'm just struggling. silently. secretly. i mean.. louis knows i'm depressed i told him and he checks on me daily. he either sends me something by delivery or takes me out. he does not allow me to be sad at all😂. corey. god i wish i could tell corey😔. but i know that'll worry his lil heart. i don't wanna hurt him or have him super concerned for me like i know how much he cares for people. he will put other people before himself and i don't wanna be put before other people. i don't feel like i'm that important. i don't feel important at all😔. all day at school i fake a smile and act ok. everyone falls for it until i shutdown and my sadness kicks in. then i just lie and say i'm on my period. my depression is pretty bad today so i'm staying away from people and keeping short conversation. i didn't even wanna get out of bed today and i just felt so stuck😔. i just need a hug most of the time and i want it from my siblings, julie, or my mom only🥺. it's only monday and everyone is all hyper like what the fuck are you guys on? i'm in my 6th period now and today has been good to me. louis and me have this class together. we sit together. we're just doing group work together everyone at their desks are.

"this one is A i double checked" louis said circling it on my paper. i'm zoned out but i keep snapping back into reality and i don't like it. i saw him looking at me.

"what's wrong?" louis asked

"nothing i'm fine" i lie. he raises his eyebrow as if he's saying 'really'.

"i can read you easily. that's a lie." he said

"if you knew it was a lie why'd you ask?" i asked with an attitude

"i wanted to see if you'd tell the truth, clearly not" he said smiling then chuckled softly. i'm so unamused and he can tell.

"depression i know" he said writing his name on his paper

"it sucks ass. i hate it. i miss being happy." i said

"hey don't say that, you have your good days with it and i see how happy in moments. those moments are what you need to look forward to in order to keep pushing and fighting that demon." louis said then smiled. he makes a point🙄. i started smiling to myself.

"see look you're already smiling today" louis said smiling at me

"because what you said made my heart feel good" i said smiling. we just locked eyes smiling for a moment. i wanna ask him something.

"i just wanna know and don't lie to me be 100 with me.. did you write heather about me?" i asked. he scrunched his eyebrows.

"no" he said firmly. i squinted my eyes at him.

"i didn't jayden" he said smiling then laughed. i laughed a little with him.

"okay good" i said smiling a little

"i was joking it is about you i just didn't tell social media that because then there would be drama between me and jules" he said. my eyes just froze to him. i was taken back by the fact he lied to me.