Royal Screw-Up

Say It To My Face

A lady is still. Poised. Graceful.

No firebending. No crying. No singing.

Stop running about the house. Get down from that tree. Quit acting like a warrior and start acting like a lady.

And above all, stay silent.

These were the mantras planted in Kazen's head since they were old enough to listen. They followed them well enough; their father had fire-whipped them into line by the time they reached adolescence. As the Captain in the great Fire Nation Army, Kazen's father had always been bitter.

He'd wanted a son.

Instead, he got a daughter.

How ironic, then, that his daughter turned out to be a thoroughbred tomboy. How hilarious, that they were a firebending master's brightest student. How completely and utterly laughable, that his daughter turned out to be not a girl at all, but nonbinary.

Kazen was exactly what their father wanted. But they were nothing to him, all because they'd been born a girl.

Kazen wasn't bitter about it. For the longest time, they were alright with their father's anger. It taught them duty, discipline, resilience, and perseverance. They crafted their shield from his words and used his own mantras against him. Then, they saw the way he treated their mother. They noticed the way he talked to his recruits. They witnessed the violence against homosexuals, and they heard the filthy curses toward transgenders.

And then, at long last, they discovered their identity.

And their world caved in.

Kazen feared for their life around every turn. They left home for longer stints, not regretting the punishments afterward. They took to their training more than ever before. Their dysphoria taunted them every time they looked in the mirror. Fear became frustration, and frustration became suppressed rage. Their body deceived them. They fought to have a shred of dignity when changing before their handmaidens. But the devil sat on their shoulder, and whispered in their ear, until they discovered an underground surgeon, and gave in, and covered up the damage with increasing panic.

At least those were the first scars they were proud of.

They were sixteen then. They're nearly seventeen now. News of the Avatar has reached them from the North. He defeated General Zhou, and he's somewhere in the Earth Kingdom, most likely searching for an earthbending teacher. Whenever Kazen heard their father sigh in defeat, or shove his desk across the room, or set the latest report ablaze, a small grin of victory pierced their glued-on expression. Even when they repainted their gracious smile in his presence, a ray of hope remained, piercing through the storm clouds hanging in their mind. The storm was building. The sea was calling their name. Soon, the Avatar would deliver the Fire Nation from their treacherous War, and they would have a chance at living the life they wanted.

That dream came crashing down on their seventeenth birthday.

Kazen's father returned from boot camp rather early. He had a skip in his step, which was unusual for the downcast, moody man. He ordered the cooks to prepare a great feast, then went into the bathing room for a steamy bath. Kazen exchanged a frightened glance with their mother. They knew better than anyone that Kranen's good mood could only result from some horrific tragedy. Kazen quickly escaped to their room before they could show their terror in their expression. They buried themself in a firebending scroll, one of many they'd collected over the years from Master Hui Jaong. They had a few sword fighting techniques written down from Master Piandao as well, but those were far and few between. Paindao had a more active teaching style, after all.