falling for her crush || billie eilish

six.

My brother meant a lot to me. We went to the same High School and whenever someone talked bad about me, he was there to protect me. I cared about him, truly. And I thought he cared about me, too.

One day, when I was fifteen, I was walking home from school, alone. I ran into a group of boys who first started shouting and whistling at me. I ignored them, but that only made it worse. They came after me and started touching me. I tried to run away, but they were too strong. Then, my brother showed up, his eyebrows furrowed in anger. He walked up to the boys and told them to fuck off. My brother has always been a man with no fear. He is really tall and pretty much every boy around his age would run away from him when he told them to. The group of boys pushed me on the ground and ran away quickly, not looking back. My knee hit the ground and it started bleeding.

"Hey, it's okay", he said when he noticed my heavy breathing. He sat down next to me and wrapped an arm around my waist. "Let me look."

He grabbed his water bottle out of his bag pack and he poured some water on my bleeding knee. "Ow!"

"Shhh, calm down. You're gonna be okay. I just need you to stay still." My breathing became heavier as I felt a panic attack coming. "Megan. Look at me. Just breathe."

"Jason, w–what if they come b–back?"

"Hey. They won't." He placed his finger under my chin to make me look at him. "As long as I'm around, no one will be able to hurt you, okay?"

'As long as I'm around'. These words have been stuck in my head ever since he left. He's not around anymore, so they'll be able to hurt me now, won't they? It feels like, at that very moment, he was already planning on leaving soon. Like he was trying to tell me that once he's gone, it will hurt, but it will also get better. And yes, it did hurt when he left. The two most important men in my life had left me at the same time. It's like a storm took them away from me in one flash, boom, gone.

"What do you think of this picture?" Nora and I are laying in my bed, both on our phones. She gives me her phone and I see a picture of her and Billie on the screen. It's from the party from the other day. Billie has her arm around Nora's neck, resting her hand on Nora's right shoulder. She sticks out her tongue and Nora looks into the camera with a straight face.

"I like it." I hand her back her phone and continue petting Jimmy.

"It's my first picture with her ever. God, she's so fine."

"Nora!"

"What?! It's true." I laugh and shake my head. "Fuck you. You definitely agree with me." I don't say anything, I just pretend I didn't just hear her say that. "Well?", she asks with raised eyebrows.

"No comment."

"Hahhhh! I told you! There's no way you think she isn't hot."

"I–" I get interrupted by the doorbell. Thank god. "Who could that be?" I get out of bed and open the door.

"Hey... sis."

"Jason?!", I whisper loudly. "What the–" I walk into the hallway and close the door slowly. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I just... missed you."

I laugh dryly, not amused at all. "Yeah, right."

"It's true!"

"No it isn't. You're just here for your money. How the fuck did you know where I live?"

"I asked mom."

I sigh annoyingly. "Of course you did."

"Just–can I please come in?" He tries to push himself inside but I stop him.

"No! Just go to mom for your money or something. After all, you're her favorite child."

"Don't say that, you know that's not true."

"It is, Jason. Now please leave. Nora is here."

"Nora? Y'all are still friends? Crazy. Can I see her?"

"Jesus fuck, Jason, how many times do I have to tell you, leave!" I push him away, go inside and quickly close the door behind me. He knocks on the door a few more times while saying my name, but eventually he leaves.

"Who was that?", Nora asks while I'm standing against the door, out of breath because of all the screaming.

"Jason."

"What?! Your brother, Jason?" I nod and sit down next to her on the bed. "What the hell is he doing here?"

I shrug. "Probably for money."

"Jesus. Asshole." I look down at my lap. "Hey, it's okay. Just forget about him, alright? Let's watch a movie or something." She gets out of bed and jumps on the couch. "You comin'?"

"Uh, yeah." The thing was, I wanted him to leave, but I also kind of wanted him to stay. Yes, he left me when things got hard. Yes, he hasn't contacted me for two years. But, he's still my brother. The person who was there for me, always. The person who gave up so many of his friendships in order to protect me. The person who told me that as long as he's here, no one can hurt me. I still love him, I do. And I don't think I will ever not love him.

-

"Hey." I slowly open my eyes as I hear the soft voice next to me. My blue eyes meet Nora's hazel ones, an exquisite smile formed on her face. You know these characters in books or shows who are full of wounds and scars from the past, but they're still standing and they're still beautiful? She's one of them. She's gone through so much, but here she is, smiling and grateful to be alive. I read this quote somewhere before that perfectly describes her: It didn't matter that she fell apart, it was how she put herself back together.

"Hey", I say softly. Then reality hits me. I sit up in bed and look at the clock. "Shit! Nora, we gotta go to school!"

"Relax. It's only 9. We can easily skip first period."

"No, I can't! My first period is business economics. You know how bad I am at that."

"Well, too bad, I already told Billie we'd hang out with her today."

"You did what? Nora, I need my education!"

"Oh come on, Meg. It's just for one day." I look annoyed at her. "Please?"

After a long time of thinking, I finally give in. I just can't say no to her. I hate it.

We get out of bed, eat breakfast together and change ourselves. Of course Nora stood in front of the mirror for 45 minutes, because 'Billie will be there' and 'that's why she has to look her best'. I just put on a white Adidas sweater with black cargo pants and black and white Adidas shoes.

"You ready?!", I shout from the living room. Nora comes out of the bathroom five minutes later. She's wearing a beige skirt, a white crop top and her black with white Air Jordan 1 Mid Carbon Fiber's.

"How do I look?" She looks excited, but also a bit nervous.

I smile while looking her up and down. "I always think you look beautiful, you know that." She walks toward me and grabs both of my hands. "Billie better likes you back. She'd be stupid if she didn't."

She giggles. "Shut up."

"I'm being very serious."

"Sure you are. Now let's go." We put on our jackets and together we walk, hand in hand, to the place she and Billie said we'd meet.

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