falling for her crush || billie eilish

thirteen.

We are all broken. That's how the light gets in.

Whenever I meet someone new, I try to be kind to them. I try to listen and make sure they feel comfortable around me. You know why? Because everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Just like you, everyone around you is going through something. Whether it's good or bad, you should never judge someone for something you don't know anything about. Be kind. Always.

"I think I'm gonna find a job here." Jason sits down next to me, placing his feet on the coffee table. It's been three days since he 'moved in' with me. Three days since I found him crying in front of my apartment, asking me for my help. I haven't regret a single thing about it. It feels good to have him around again.

"Yeah?" He nods. "What were you thinking of?"

He shrugs and looks at me, a smirk on his face. "Maybe Taco Bell?"

"You know we'd be colleagues then, right?"

"Uhu. Doesn't that sound fun?"

I smile. "Sure. Why don't you go ask if there's a place for you?"

"Cool!" He gets up excitedly, puts on his jacket and opens the front door. "See you later, Meg!"

I giggle and whistle at Jimmy. "Come here, baby." He runs toward me and jumps on the couch, licking my face. "I love you", I whisper and I kiss him on his head. Together we sit on the couch for a while until I hear the doorbell. I get up, confused, and open the door. In front of me I see a woman I never would've expected to show up here. She's wearing a black suit, her hair in a bun. "Mom?"

"Hello, Megan."

"What–what are you doing here?" I genuinely do not know how to function right now. How dare she show up here like nothing ever happened?

"I'm here for Jason." Of course she is. She decides to show up at my apartment and is not even here for me.

"What do you mean?"

"Just like I said, I'm here for Jason to take him back home with me. I'm sure he's burden to you, so I'll help you get rid of that."

"What?! No, you can't just do that! Jesus christ, mom, you sent him away!"

"I–" She pushes me inside my apartment and slams the door behind her. "I did not send him away. Is that what he told you?"

"Yes. And I believe him. Because, mom, that really does sound like you."

"You do not talk to your mother like that, lady!"

I laugh sarcastically, raising my eyebrows. "I really could not care less about how I should talk to you, Ellen."

"Don't call me Ellen, I'm your mother!"

"Oh? I thought mothers were supposed to be there for their children."

"You little–" She walks toward me and grabs me by my arm, holding me so tight, I could feel her nails into my skin.

"Hey! Let her go!" My brother runs toward mom and pushes her away. I fall down on the couch, making Jimmy squeal when I sit on his tail.

"What the hell are you doing here, mom?!", Jason shouts.

"I'm here to get you."

"Why?"

"Because... I was stupid for kicking you out. I'd like you to move in with me again."

"I'm not gonna do that", he says, laughing sarcastically.

"Why? Are you seriously mad at me for kicking you out?"

"Also, yes. But you know what I'm more mad about? The way you treat Megan." I look at him, his face fully red. "She's your fucking daughter, mom!"

"I can't do this right now", mom says.

"What, because she's right here in the room with us?! Are you embarrassed, mom? Huh? Why don't you come with me and we'll continue talking in the bathroom." He grabs her by her wrist and drags him with her into the bathroom, leaving me alone in the living room, confused as fuck.

I can't believe this. I can't believe she showed up, acting like nothing ever happened. God, I hate her. I really do. You're supposed to love your mom, more than anything else, but I can't. I just can't. Not after what she did to me. Tears stream down my face as I hear my mom and brother argue in the bathroom. I listen to them for a while until I can't take it anymore. I run out of the apartment, tears in my eyes.

The next thing I know I stand in front of Nora's house. I try to calm myself down and ring the doorbell. A minute later Nora opens the door, immediately wrapping her arms around me without saying a word. She always knows what to do when I feel down.

"You want to tell me what happened, Meg?", she asks when we sit on her bed, her thumbs wiping away the tears that are falling down my face.

I look down and start playing with my rings. "It's mom. She..." I take a deep breath, trying to calm down.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. You're okay. Take all the time you need, alright? I'm not going anywhere." She grabs both of my hands in hers.

I look her in the eyes, biting my lip softly. "...she showed up at my apartment today."

I told her the whole story while she listened to me with full attention. That's the thing about Nora, she listens to you. Even if it's something she couldn't care less about. She listens to you and tries to understand it.

I want to have her around, forever. I don't care what else I have to give up for that, as long as I won't lose her. I know how I can be. I can be moody, bitchy and annoyed, even around her, the person who means the most to me. But she still sticks around. She stays and helps me get through the hardest times. She brings the sun with her in times I'm drowning in rain and I don't ever want to lose her. Because, I'm still alive for her, really. Not for me, not for my mom, not even for my brother. For her. I can lose everything, but not her. Oh god, not her. It's like Winnie the Pooh once said: 'How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard'.

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