Another sleepless night. Another night of tossing and turning in hopes of some kind of comfort. But still I can't find the peace you gave me. It's kinda funny, how you give me something which you never can provide. How could it feel so secure but deep down so dangerous. Like a hand around my throat,
rough but committed...
How come you turned into something safe. When it's you that makes me slowly loose my mind. Will I ever understand the bond we share? I doubt it.
At the moment I can't even understand what I want. And yet I crave for something I don't have or know how it feels. Once I told you about my fears. While acknowledging them you still ignored them at the same time. After all I'm just another someone to you. While I always gonna be someone who only commits to one or two people, you never will be able commit to just one. Your words throw me off everytime. As soon as I thought I catched a glimpse of your inner self, the image shatters. They say actions speak louder than words but in your case they don't. I'm drowning in conclusions. Everytime I'm by your side it's a mix of butterflies and just a void. The feeling of being underwater. It really adds up to the drowning doesn't it? It always amazes me how I know that we could never be more, but still one of us clinges on a straw. Neither of us really taking a step forward. We don't take two steps at a time and then one back no. We are different it's three forward and five back. We never had it did we? I remember the old days. Oh I know don't cling onto something of the past, but sometimes I wonder how it would have been if we had more courage. More spine. But we are here never meeting in the middle because we're both scared. Both selfish in a way. And both dumb. I never wanted to be in this position. And yet you forced me into it. Not that I'm complaining huh? I have to say you do know how to let my heart beat faster. Or let me smile at a text. You let me experience things I never think I deserve, but you also let me feel that I don't deserve that kind of luck. See as much as we don't have a thing you still hold me back everytime I move forward. Or maybe it's destiny. Whatever it is it sucks.
