Sting » Louis

eight

Of course it hadn't passed my mind that something was going on. I was too excited to see what was actually before me. The largest company in the U.K. was asking me to work for them. Me. A twenty-one year old girl. A girl with no experience, no firmness. I wasn't really thinking that my qualifications weren't enough to take such a position that they were offering me. Yet, even if these thoughts had passed my mind back then, I would have done the same. I would have accepted it. Who would have been so stupid not to do it?

Max leaving for New York was something that was troubling me. On the one hand, I would be free. No more explanations, no more pressure, no more control. But even if he left, he would leave a replacement. My mother. At least I wouldn't have her at home, 24/7. Nevertheless, the pressuring thing would stay, I was sure of it, especially at the time when I was supposed to make my wedding arrangements. Dress, shoes, flowers, venue... I didn't want this. Mum always said Max was the one for me; he had good manners, he was handsome, a generous salary and, of course, a high status. I didn't feel like it.

On the other hand, I didn't really want him to leave. He was always supporting me, helping me with every difficulty that I faced and something else. He was my protection barrier from Louis. I knew that if Max was around, he could stay away. I would show him, that I was full grown up and I was an engaged woman that wasn't in need of him. Lies. But they had to be told. Being around my fiance reminded me that I had to move on, be independent from Louis. With him gone, I was back to being a fragile little girl, unable to control her feelings. And I was sure of it. I couldn't be able to resist him anymore. Old feelings came back rushing to the surface, consuming me. Maybe they weren't old at all. Just buried.

Max wasn't going to leave the next day, as I would have wanted him to, but the following week. He wasn't working that much as before. He was focused on his computer most times, looking at his files and had long phone calls. He wasn't really paying attention to me. I guess the job at New York was too important to him. But I wasn't complaining.

The memories of the day of the interview are still fresh in my mind. It was the worst day of my life. That day I learned that I nothing happens unintentionally. I had woken up at least two hours before my appointment with the president. I wanted to look perfect, make an impression to my new colleagues. Max was sleeping heavily next to me and I tried not to make the slightest noise, I didn't want him to distract me. I slipped into the bathroom and had a warm bath to relax all my muscles. They were trembling from anxiety and insecurity. I washed my hair too and got out to dress up and blow dry it. I picked a white dress and a pair of heels and curled my straight hair. The green of my eyes was shining at the artificial light of my bathroom. The sun was about to rise. I was looking myself in the mirror, wondering. What if I never left that island? How would I have been? Would I have had Louis' babies?

I shook my thoughts away and started applying my makeup.

                                                                           ***

"Are you sure you don't want me to take you there?" Max asked me, his mouth full of toast.

"It's fine. I'll drive there." I told him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Wish me luck!" I smiled while I was exiting the apartment. "Good luck, babe." I heard him say as I was closing the door.

I wasn't being late. I had plenty of time since the interview, yet I tried to act as fast as I could. I wanted to be there earlier. I found my BMW at the garage and slipped in, driving through London's roads.

Soft music was playing through the speakers trying to relax me. My cold hands were clenching the steering wheel. Multiple cars were behind mine and beside it. It had traffic, but I was trying to get to the company as soon as possible.