Sting » Louis

twenty two

I can't really recall when was the last time I let myself go. The last time I felt everything was pointless. I didn't care whether I had to wear pretty clothes or do my makeup and hair. I pitied myself each time I looked myself in the mirror. A ghost of a girl that reminded me somehow of the old Gemma. Perphaps it was the green of my eyes or my long brown hair that hinted it was - in fact- me.

Black bags were created under my eyes, I was pale probably because of my lost for appetite and crying. My lips were chapped and wounded since I bit on then constantly and I felt I had lost some weight; my old sweatpants and t-shirt felt looser than ever before. I had become a silouette, a shadow, hiding in the comforting darkness of my appartment...

I don't think that I ate anything other than a couple of apples. My appartment was as if an atomic bomb had fallen, leaving everything to pieces. I didn't feel like tidying up anything. Besides, I didn't have time for these mere activities. I was too busy crying, or throwing up because of my sadness. I didn't get out at all. I think it was a week or more when I was compelled to go out. But during that period, I remember the thousands of phonecalls I received. Louis' name was frequently flashing on my screen. I never answered. I never answered my door when Louis banged it from outside, yelling my name to come out. I didn't want any of this shit in my life. Olivia called from work, whom I had to take and said I was sick I would work from home and none from Max. Nothing.

I tried to reach him. I desperately tried to explain. But to explain what exactly? The dirty game I played against him? To apologize? I swear to God, I didn't know why, but I had to listen to his voice. He was the man who stood by me all those years, who was there for me when I needed him and I never really had realized his sacrifices for me until the day I knew I had lost him.

I went to the kitchen and looked outside London's cloudy sky. It was preparing to rain probably. A chill went throght my entire body and I hugged myself and moved my hands up and down to warm myself. I sighed. This was how my life would be? Pathetic? I didn't blame anyone but me. I had to control myself around Louis. I had to put my sanity above all. I wanted to build myself a career and live in fanfares... How naïve could a person be? I was evident that I was set a trap. A trap I unfortunately fell into.

A buzz from my phone brought me back from the labyrinth of my thoughts. It was from the office.

"Hello?"

"Miss Carter?" a feminine voice said from the other line.

"Yes, that's me." I answered casually.

"I'm calling on behalf of ms. Deakin. I have to inform you that your period of leave for absense was due yesterday. You have to come today or else you're fired." she said coldly.

I huffed. I didn't want to return back to the office, but I loved my job. Plus, I was unprepared for Louis. I didn't know how he would react after I left him that night alone at the hotel. I still remember that horrific night. I remember running through the airport to check in, the image of the other passengers looking at me while I sobbed. What a dishonour! I don't think I had ridiculated myself before like this.

"I'll be there in an hour." I said without hesitation. I had to face my demons. I couldn't hide any longer. Sooner or later I would be found. It was a tough decision, but I had to do it. I finished the call and ran to have a quick shower and dress properly for work. It left like a labour for me. I was used to my casual outfits and my freedom.

~~~

The moment I stepped out of the elevator and saw Olivia opposite of me, the world starting spinning around. I put a hand to my head to make it stop and closed my eyes for a moment. What was happening to me?