Sting » Louis

five

Doctors say that anxiety is caused by a genetic, an upbringing or an environmental component. Every single experience that one has can craft his anxiety disorder or, at other times, the experiences can prevent them from having one.

Nonsense.

How can't somebody be nervous when two-hundred people have their eyes on them? And three cameras are set up to film them? It was my graduation day. I was completely prepared for everything, but not psychologically. I knew where I had to sit, where to go, how to stand, but I had no idea how to behave when I would be the centre of attention for -well- a couple of minutes. What if in those minutes I fell and embarrassed myself?

I was impatiently waiting in the large room that the ceremony would have been held. I sat on my seat, alone, chewing the end of the nail of my thumb. It was a habit I coudn't really stop from doing. I guess no one's perfect. The other graduates were outside talking with their families or mocking each other. It was quite early for the ceremony to begin. My mother and Max were outside too. Soft, classical music was coming out of the speakers. 

I looked around me, around the room. The sun rays were coming through the window, creating an orange colour on the walls. It looked like a perfect, warm summer evening. The room looked different, compared to other times in the past. The corridors were carpeted and ornate columns with lilies were placed at the doors and on each side of the podium in front of us. Some people started getting inside. I looked at my watch. Twenty more minutes.

I folded my arms over my chest and squeezed myself in my seat. After four years of titan efforts, I had managed to finish university. It was much more difficult than I had expected it to be, but I gave everything to achieve my goals. University was also a distraction. Studying prevented me from thinking others, people that I wanted to forget. Nevertheless, it really didn't work. When you have feelings towards someone, you can't really get them out of your head. Despite the pain they may have caused you. I sometimes imagined how things would have been if everything turned out differently. Nothing could take that person out of my head, not even tranquilizers. My psychologist kept giving them to me, since she believed there was no way of me being in love with Louis. It was unacceptable and unbelievable. According to her, I simply had some kind of periodic obsession, nothing more. And everyone believed the same. It was like I existed in a parallel universe thinking thoughts and feelings that no one else understood.

He had showed me a place so beautiful and different, I could never get out of my head. And I coudn't get him out of there either. He was stuck in my brain like my own blood vessels.

I was snapped out of my thoughts, when I saw Max and my mother walking at the central aisle. Max winked at me and my mother flashed me a smile, before sitting at the front seats at the right side. We, graduates were sitting on the left. Soon, more people started coming inside, taking their seats. I ran a hand through my almost straight hair. I had already started to feel the anxiousness building inside me. My palms were icy and sweaty and it was difficult to breathe. The dress that I was wearing was suffocating me. It was black and short and it stuck to my body. On top of that, I was wearing the stupid academic gown. 

 All of the students and families had taken their seats. Some girls that I knew flashed me a polite smile. The music stopped and everybody stood up. I did too, unwillingly. The university's chancellor, along with some other professors, walked right in front of us, at the podium, carrying the ceremonial mace. When everybody was ready, the chancellor started his speech.

I wasn't really listening. I was catching glimpses of everyone and especially of Max and my mother at the front seats. They both looked absorbed to whatever the man was saying. I wonder if they were really paying attention...