made to love you || ushijima wakatoshi x reader

twenty two

Words: 4745

Your interaction with Wakatoshi weighed heavily on you for the rest of the night and well into the following morning. You couldn't stop thinking about the way he'd looked at you, the way his hand felt wrapped around your wrist, the earnest way he asked if you could be friends again. It was like a big slap to the face, a sensation you were feeling way too much these days. You kept silent about it, even when you met up with Tendou back at your place that night and he asked why you looked like you'd seen a ghost. In a way, you had. But you weren't ready to tell him about that.

The fact that he was so close with Wakatoshi made things complicated, and you thought it better to just not say anything right now. Plus, you needed time to process the whole thing yourself. Because it sure was a lot to take in. Especially since there were a lot of old feelings stirring up inside you, feelings you'd spent years trying to get over. But one look at him, and it all came rushing back.

Not as much as you think I do.

You could remember his words clear as day, as if he'd just said them a moment ago instead of years ago. It still hurt, still made your chest sting and your hands shake. Some days, it made it hard for you to look at yourself in the mirror. Because you must've done something wrong, right? Fallen short in some category that made you not worth it in his eyes. The only person you'd ever loved, who had your entire heart in his hands.

Unfortunately, he hadn't handled it with care. And now here you were, an adult with commitment issues and trauma that you probably should be in therapy for.

He'd said something so awful to you, broken your heart with so little effort. How could you be standing here today, still wanting to love him? Wanting him?

It was so stupid and naive of you.

But, that traitorous part of you that loved him piped up, it's been five years. He was a teenager. He's more mature now, and he's explained that he was sorry. He's tried to make amends.

No. You shook your head, trying to push the thoughts away, and took a deep breath.

Even if he was more mature and regretted it, that didn't change anything. You'd still been left alone and broken, forced to get it together by yourself and find a path in life where you could be happy. A path without him, because he'd decided to leave. He decided to leave, and he couldn't just come waltzing back into your life whenever he wanted. You deserved to let the wounds deep in you heal, without opening yourself to the possibility of more.

And once you felt more stable, more whole, then maybe you could give him a chance. Maybe. Even so, it would only be the chance for friendship. You doubted you'd be able to be with anyone romantically ever again. Even if it was him. He didn't get to be the exception.

Yeah. Even you thought that sounded like total bullshit. God damnit.

"Y/n? You almost done in there?" Tendou called from outside the bathroom you were currently locked in, having an existential crisis.

"Yeah, sorry!" You yelled back, "Just making sure I got that stain out of my shirt."

"Okay! I'll wait by the door! Don't forget your bag."

You heard his receding footsteps after that, and let out a heavy sigh. Time to put away your struggles and turn into the group comedian for your friends. You practiced a smile in the mirror, pretending it didn't look more like a grimace, before leaving the bathroom.

True to his word, Tendou stood by the door, scrolling on his phone. He glanced up when he heard you enter, giving a smile before looking back at his phone. Except a moment later he looked back at you, a frown on his face. You froze in place, raising an eyebrow.