made to love you || ushijima wakatoshi x reader

twelve

Words: 5965

"You've reached Wakatoshi-kun's phone. He either didn't answer because he's busy or because he didn't want to, there's no telling. If it's important, leave a message. I can't guarantee he'll get back to you, though."

    The familiar sound of Tendou's voice came from your phone as your call to Ushijima went to voicemail. You'd decided to call him, not giving yourself time to second-guess yourself and chicken out. But, just your luck, he didn't answer. You hoped he was just busy, and not ignoring you. You remembered Tendou saying that he'd been immersing himself in volleyball lately, and you prayed that was the case right now.

    The beep indicating that the voicemail had begun came through the phone, and you took a deep breath.

    "Uh, hey." You began, lamely, "It's, uh... me. Y/n. I, um, I wanted to talk to you."

    You stopped, mentally facepalming. You needed to get it together, and stop being a mumbling mess. It was just Ushijima. You'd talked to him many times. This shouldn't be any different.

    "I know it's been awhile, and I'm sorry for that. Actually, I'm sorry for a lot of things. That's why I'm calling. To apologize. Well, that's not the only reason, but it's the biggest one. I think. Anyways, um, sorry for doing this over the phone. I know it's kinda cowardly of me. But I figured it would be easiest, given the circumstances.

    "But that's not what I called to talk to you about. I- well, basically, I miss you. I have since pretty much the second you left my hospital room. And my life is already hard enough right now without the addition of missing you. Plus, I feel terrible. For what I said to you, for not reaching out sooner, for all of it.

    "Really, what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how I reacted to you, and for not trying to talk it out with you instead. I'm sorry for telling you to not come back, that was selfish of me. This friendship isn't one-sided, and it wasn't just my decision if it was time to end it or not. So I'm sorry. I know I probably hurt you, and I'm apologizing for that.

    "Also, I forgive you. I forgive you for what you said about my feelings. I know you meant no harm, and that's what you thought about it. I know you didn't mean to hurt me, but you did. So I forgive you. Whether you want my forgiveness or not, you're getting it. End of discussion." You laughed lightly at yourself, shaking your head. This was stupid.

    "I want you to know that my feelings haven't gone anywhere. They're still here, strong as ever. If not stronger than they were before. Which makes me pretty sure that they're real. I mean, if they stem from the happiness I get from seeing you and are just an exaggeration of that, how could I still feel them when I haven't seen you in a month? I think that pretty much proves it.

    "But that's not what's important. I don't expect you to return my feelings, that's not what I want. I mean, it'd be nice if you felt the same, of course, but I care more about you than I do about something like that. I don't want a relationship with you or anything, or for you to feel pressured like that. I just want to be your friend, I want you in my life. That matters more to me than how I feel about you. And I hope you can see that, and be okay with it.

    "Honestly, if you don't want to be friends with me, I'll understand. I won't be mad. This is a difficult situation, and people react differently. If you don't want to be my friend, that's fine. But at least forgive me so we can end on good terms. I think we deserve that much, don't you?

    "Anyways, I know this is a lot to hear over the phone. So if you want, we could meet up sometime and talk about it face to face. I know I'd like that. I hope you would, too. And, uh, as far as my feelings, they're pretty strong. And there's something I want to say to you, but it's not the type of thing you say over the phone, especially not in a voicemail. So that can wait.