made to love you || ushijima wakatoshi x reader

twenty three

A/N: Rewrite put on pause because I couldn't wait to continue this lol!! I'll keep doing the adjustments later, I just have too many ideas and I am impatient. Anyways welcome back to the story!!

Words: 3987

Regret wasn't something Wakatoshi had much experience with. All throughout his life, every action he took was purposeful, with confidence. Even when things went awry, he never wished to go back and change what he did. He powered through, overcame the obstacles. Felt completely sure of himself.

And then he met you.

In one fell swoop, you flipped his entire world off-axis. Suddenly, he was overthinking every interaction, every word he spoke, every move he made. You smiled at him and listened to him talk and held his hand and he felt himself crumble. The longer he spent with you, the less he was the immovable, indomitable Ushijima Wakatoshi. He became something else entirely- something molded in the comfort of your touch.

It terrified him. Sent a fear through his veins like nothing he'd ever felt before. The power you had over him, the influence you could use against him, it was more than he could fathom. He wanted more of it. And he wanted to run for the hills.

For a good amount of time, Wakatoshi was able to combat the terror that came with his feelings for you. He could push it down and ignore it in favor of seeing your face or hearing your laugh. Your touch was just as comforting as it burned. He was content to go up in flames if it meant staying by your side. A notion altogether new and foreign to him.

But things changed over time. The weight on his shoulders became crushing.

Wakatoshi was meant for great things. Everyone knew it. You'd told him that exact thing yourself. And after hearing it for so long, he believed it. He worked towards being the best.

But when an opportunity finally arose to continue being the best, to do what he was best at, he hesitated. He took a moment, let himself feel unsure. Because he wanted you. He wanted to be great, just like always, but there was something he wanted just as much now. It felt impossible to have both.

He tried to be rational. He weighed his options.

You meant the world to him, but there were things he couldn't ignore. Like how lost you were. Without the option to play volleyball, you had no idea what you would do with your life. And you didn't seem to be in a hurry to figure it out. With him being on such a rock solid, set path, it was hard to stand by and watch you flail.

Not to mention the notion that he wanted to be with you in general. It was uncharted territory- a whirlwind of emotions, thoughts, and desires he'd never dealt with before. It knocked him off-kilter, put him on edge. He'd been sent too far out of his comfort zone. Out here, nothing was sure anymore.

But volleyball was sure. It was unchanging. His talent and skills were things he could always rely on. After his time with you in the unknown, his terrible, selfish heart wanted something concrete. The sport had been enough fulfillment for him once, surely it could be again.

He could pack the feelings away and put his career first. Just like he always thought he would. As much as you meant to him, he truly thought that volleyball meant more. He thought it would be enough. He thought the feelings were fleeting, immature, temporary. There was no way it would last.

That was his first regret. Being so clueless about it all.

His second followed soon after, like poison seeping into his veins and lingering for years.

Wakatoshi chose volleyball over you. He took an offer that would take him halfway across the country, booked a flight, packed his things, and didn't say a word to you.