made to love you || ushijima wakatoshi x reader

eight

Words: 4476

"How do you know if you have feelings for someone?"

    You sat there in silence, your brain literally forgetting how to work. Ushijima. Was asking you. How to know. If you had feelings for someone. What the fuck.

    Did he have feelings for someone? Who was it? A classmate? Someone he met through volleyball? Could it be you? No, no that was stupid. There was no way in Hell he would ever like you. It had to be someone else.

    What the fuck were you supposed to say to him? What do you tell the guy you're crushing on when he asks how to know if you have feelings for someone? 'Oh, funny you asked, because I actually think I'm falling for you'? Yeah, that was a one-way trip to an Ushijima-less life. Which was the opposite of what you wanted. Sure, you knew the day where he left you for better things would come. But you weren't ready for that yet.

    "Y/n?" He asked, and you realized you'd just been sitting in silence for like five minutes. Your face heated up immediately, and you were extremely glad this wasn't a face-to-face interaction.

    "Uh, sorry, I was... lost in thought," You took a breath, your stomach flip-flopping, "Why-why are you asking that?"

    "Tendou and I were talking, and he said something that made me think about it. I realized that I don't know what that feels like, so I don't know if I've ever experienced it. I was wondering if you had."

    What the fuck was Tendou telling this man that was making him have a crisis over feelings? Seriously, you loved him, but that man was going to be the death of you. You needed to focus on the matter at hand, though. Figuring out what you were going to say to Ushijima. Which was quite a problem right now.

    "Uh... are you asking me if I've ever had a crush on someone?" You questioned.

    "I think so."

    "Well... yeah. I've had crushes before."

    "What was it like?"

    "Um, that depends. Because a crush I had when I was little would be different than a crush I had more recently, so-"

    "Your recent one, then." He interrupted, clearly in earnest for an answer to whatever it was he was asking, "What was it like?"

    "Oh. That-" You paused, slightly clenching your jaw. This was bad. While you had no problem with telling him what it was like to have feelings for someone, it was difficult when it came to your recent crush. Because your recent crush was him. How did you answer this question without exposing yourself? Without him realizing it was him you were talking about.

    You couldn't just not answer him, that would be more suspicious than anything. You had to give him some sort of answer. You'd just have to suck it up and try to be vague.

    "Well, it's a strange feeling. Almost uncomfortable, but not quite. When I would see him, it would physically affect me. I'd feel my heart pick up, and my stomach would do flips. My mood would always improve when he was around, and I'd constantly be thinking of him when he wasn't. Anything would seem exciting as long as I did it with him, that's how much I'd enjoy being around him.

    "I'd find myself wanting to tell him things that happened during my day, despite how small and insignificant they may be. I counted down the seconds to when I'd see him again, and being in his presence made me feel light. It was like I lost common sense, because I felt so flustered around him. He made my brain give up control and my heart take over. He just... meant so much to me. And I felt it every moment of every day, whether I wanted to or not."