What Lies Beneath The Soldier? (Natasha Romanoff × Fem!Reader)

Chapter 6

Note: ⚠ CAUTION: THERE IS A REFERENCE TO SELF HARM IN THIS CHAPTER ⚠

Y/n POV

Dear Future me (because I know you'll be reading this in a few month from now),

It's been a few weeks now, since I accepted Fury's offer to be an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. I know we said we didn't want to be another one of his pets but it turns out it's not so bad. Natasha's great too. She's been teaching me the ropes and everything. At first a had the feeling that she didn't like me very much, I wouldn't blame her if she didn't. But we've gotten closer over the weeks.

It's more of a kind of mutual friends thing. I don't know. I completely forgot about what happened with Mia, up until now. But we're not gonna get into that. Currently, I've been sleeping in my old cell since I have no where else to go.

I mean Natasha offered but I'm already enough of a burden as it is. Nobody knows though. I mean we are pretty good at hiding...most of the time. Anyway, I think that's gonna be it for today, I should get some sleep. Training in the morning. Yay.

Sincerely,
Past you.

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I opened my eyes and curiously looked around as I sat up. I was in a bed. There was a window open, letting in the cool breeze and warm sunlight. Everything in the room was neat, organized and clean. Except, a spot in front of the bathroom door.

I slowly removed the covers and walked over. I studied the liquid on the floor a bit before walking in. It was blood. When the door was fully open, it revealed a white blood stained carpet and shower curtain.

My heart started to race and my breathing became heavier as I cautiously walked over to the shower. I opened the curtain. A bloody and bruised body lay limp in the bathtub. But not just any body. Natasha's. Then, everything went black.

Natasha's POV

"Natasha!" Y/n screamed when she woke her up. I found her sleeping on the cold concrete of the cell we used to keep her in. She looked like she was crying so I woke her up. Also because we have training. She was breathing heavily as if she was scared.

"Yeah?" I asked. "You okay?"

"What?" she asked. "Oh, yeah, yeah I'm fine just a...a bad dream." she said.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I-I don't really feel like talking about it." she said and jumped up onto her feet.

"Alright, come on. We got training to do," I said. "We'll talk about you sleeping on the floor later." she went to argue with me but I put my hand up making the argue stop before it starts.

We were the only ones in the training room today, not like either of us needed it but it is a good stress reliever. We did some sparring and of course I won every time but I felt like y/n was holding back.

"Don't go easy on me now." I said and I tried to land a roundhouse kick in her stomach but she grabbed my foot and spun me before I could.

"Who said I was going easy?" she laughed.

"We've been doing this for weeks. I can tell when you're holding back." I said and she helped me to my feet. "Look I know you said you don't want to talk about your dram but I think it'll be good to get it off your chest."

She let out a heavy sigh and looked at me. I knew she wanted to argue but she didn't. "You used to be an assassin, right?" I nodded in response. "When you first started that transition, did you have that person? You know, the one who believed in you even though you didn't believe in yourself?"

"Clint." I said.

She smiled as a way to hold back the tears I could clearly see forming in her eyes. "I didn't." she said. "Not at first anyway. I've always been alone. No one to help with the nightmares...or guilt. No one to prevent the bleeding or the bullets. Just no one.

"That's why, when someone does believe in me, which is very rarely, I get scared. I start having nightmares about hurting them, so I close myself off until I eventually leave. Even of I don't want to. Because I don't trust myself." she explained.

"Maybe instead of trying to trust yourself, you should trust the one who believes in you." I said and lightly put my hand on her shoulder to comfort her.

"Maybe I should." she said and we made eye contact. Her beautiful y/e/c eyes. So, big and bright and happy yet at the same time so sad and hurt.

"Agent Romanoff, Fury needs to speak with you." Hill said standing in the door way.

"I'll be right there." I said then looked but at y/n. "When I get back we need to have a talk about your living situation." and I walked out.

Y/n POV

Natasha left, so I made my way to the punching bag. I zoned out the world and focused on the sound of the air vents. It helps me to concentrate, I find the softest sound I can hear and put all my focus onto it.

My first few punches that I throw are softer than usual. I forced myself to throw another one but harder this time sending the bag back a bit. That's where I needed to be. Not too soft, not too hard.

I continued like that until Natasha walked in. The sudden sound of the door closing, broke my concentration on the air vent and it went to her. My mind lost all control and wandered off to my nightmare. I got angry and mid-punch and pushed harder this time causing a small tear to form in the side of the bag.

"Woah, you okay over there?" Natasha asked.

"Sorry, the door made me lose my concentration." I told her.

"Oh, well, come on." she said indicating for me to follow her.

"Where we going?" I asked curiously as we walked out of the base.

"It's a surprise." she said and hopped on her motorcycle.

"Seriously, you want me to get on that?" I asked.

"Yeah, what's wrong? You scared?" she teased.

"No." I said unconvincing. "Maybe."

"Don't worry, I'm a good driver." she assured me.

"I extremely doubt that." I said.

"Hey, whatever happened to trusting the one who believes in you?" she asked.

"What makes you think that's you?" I asked.

"What makes you think it isn't?"

"What?"

"Just get on." she laughed.

I cautiously walked over and grabbed the helmet from her. "I'm gonna have to get used to this, aren't I?" I asked sitting behind her.

"Yup, now hold on tight because I might go a little fast." she said and suddenly took off going very fast. I quickly and tightly wrapped my arms around her waist as we rode off to her surprise destination.
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Hey,

So, I'm writing faster than I'm posting so we're gonna do this...I will now be posting two chapters a week but only on this story. Posting days will still be on Friday's at 1. Enjoy. Bye.

Kiwi.