DANGEROUS WOMAN || THE HUNGER GAMES ²

MY PROMISE TO FINNICK.

"P.S I WILL SEE YOU SOON..."

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While I slept, Finnick left in the dark of night. He left for the Capitol. I didn't know he was going to leave. If I had known, I probably would have come with him. But, I didn't. Perhaps, that's why he didn't tell me a word because he knew I would risk my life for him. I'd leave everyone behind for him.

Instead of being woken up with kisses or to the pounding of Finnick's heartbeat. I woke up to pounding on my door. I remember opening the door and being greeted with the sight of a sad faced Hermes. My gut fell at the sight. He didn't smile. He didn't do anything but tell me one thing.

"Finnick left this morning for the Capitol..I don't know when he'll be back..I'm so sorry, Athena.."

For three days, I waited. I wondered. I stare at the wall, waiting for anything. Something. But once again, I was left out of the dark. Something that has happened a lot in my life. Get left out of the news about my parents. Get left out of the loop for the big plans for the Rebellion. In that time of wonder, I had thoughts. Dreams even of Finnick dying. I didn't know why at the time, but I just did. 

It wasn't until the Rebels broke through to the Capitol that I found out. It wasn't until Plutarch handed me a small silver envelope that I knew. That the news was confirmed with me that Finnick was dead. I sometimes read the letter. Scan his hand writing with my fingertips. Try to make sense of his words. Of his thoughts at the time, but I never can. No matter how many times I read the letter. There are a few phrases that stick out to me the most. 

"A Panem where we can raise our kids without fear of Snow or the Hunger Games..I want them to grow up in a better world..A world where their parents' past are nothing but a distant memory.."

Finnick wanted our children to grow up in peace without knowing of the past. Blissfully unaware of the sorrows that would lurk in our world for a very long time. I wanted that peace yes. But I didn't want my son to hear the whispers about his father and think of him any different. Or any less.

I knew that I would have to make sure that one day. When our son was old enough. That he would know of his Father. I would tell him of how his father fought for a greater Panem. I would tell him of the Greatness that his father had achieved. I would tell him of my Seaweed Brain, Finnick Odair. My husband. My first love. A hero. His father.

"I will see you again..But..But if I do not..I don't want you to be angry with the others..With Katniss..I knew the risks..I took them knowing that I was leaving my life behind.."

Finnick asked me to not hold anger towards Katniss. To not be angry with the others. But, I wasn't angry at them. I distanced myself from everyone. I blocked out Thaila and Carrie for a short time. I didn't respond to Hermes and Damian's knocking. I let the phone ring. I took my time and I did what I never had time to do. I mourned. I cried. I sobbed. I screamed. I let it out. After years of bottling up emotions, I let it free.

Once there were no tears left, I kept my promise to Finnick. I did not hold any anger to Katniss. Instead of cursing her. Damning her for sending my husband to a death sentence. I talked to her. I shared my pain to her through a letter. We still do talk, we still share letters. She seems to have been getting better. But she does have her bad days. She talks about the nightmares she has. She talks about Peeta and how he is doing. How he started to paint again. How they got a home together. 

"Where would you want to live by the way? I think that District Four would be nice..The beach and the sunny weather..We could teach our kids how to swim.."

Finnick had asked me if I wanted to live in Four. So I bought a house in Four, in honor of Finnick's wishes. The house had been abandoned since Finnick won his games, for why would he need his old childhood home when he had a new one in Victor's Village? A 'upgrade' from the Capitol. So the home was left to rot away. Never to be touched again. The paint had chipped away. Windows were either smashed or covered in dust. Rooms were in need of some love and rebuilding.

Finnick would always tell me that I was stubborn. And because I was stubborn I knew that I wasn't gonna be able to fix the house alone, nor was I planning to abandon the house. It was a part of Finnick's past. And it would be my new home. So, I had called a few friends and rebuilt it. Smashed windows were replaced. Walls were repainted with lovely murals from Peeta. Haymitch and Johanna had helped me build furniture. Katniss and I would sometimes tend to the garden planting seeds of fruits and vegetables, talking about how different our lives were now.

I felt calm. I felt happy knowing that what once was a shell of a home and a part of Finnick's past. Was now a home for me and his son. What once were silent halls, were now going to be filled with the giggles and laughs from his son. The house was now painted nice sky blue with white lacy curtains that would peak out from the windows. More cheerful than the chipped murky grey and the ripped blue fabric. The front porch had a bench so that I could watch the sun rise and fall. So that after a long day of swimming, our son could sit out there and stare at the waves.

"I want you to remember this on your worst of days, I will love you..And on your best of days, I will always love you..Always and Forever..Until the day I die.."

I made a promise to Finnick at our wedding. A promise that we would be happy together. A promise that I would love him forever. That I wouldn't love another. But I broke that promise. I realized that now, I love another. I now love a sassy little boy with bright sea green eyes. Who has his mother's curly black hair, but had his father's big toothy grin and eyes.

Who just like his Dad loves the water and loves to braid his mothers hair as he dozes off to sleep. Who loves to jump off the edge of the dock, nearly giving his mother a heart attack. A little boy who reminded me every day of the man I first fell in love with. I will love always and forever. Until the day I die. My son, Perseus Odair.

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And I am done with the chapter! Stay safe out there guys!

I hope you all are doing okay emotionally and physically in quarantine! I love you all!

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