Hidden Identities // H.S

Chapter 2

     Today's the day of my interview. I haven't felt this nervous in a long time, and I didn't miss the feeling at all. When I get really nervous I feel like I'm going to puke. It starts building up inside of me, slowly going up my throat. Before I realize it, I'm puking in a public restroom.

I started having anxiety attacks around the time Christopher started acting differently. I'd overthink everything I did to make sure I didn't screw up so he wouldn't hurt me. It got to the point where I was hyperventilating in a corner with my hands tugging at the roots of my hair.

I took medication for a while until he found it. I remember him throwing it on the floor with such force that it made me flinch. I remember nearly finishing the whole bottle of pills the night before my 'wedding'. I stopped taking them when I got here. It was a whole process trying to get them again with a new name and being new to the state.

"Jane?" Zara peeks her head into the bathroom, looking at me with concern. I gasp once I hear her voice that made me snap out of my thoughts.

"Jesus!" I gulp, putting my hand over my heart and feeling how fast it was beating.

"Sorry, I know you don't like people sneaking up on you. But you spaced out again, just had to come in here and snap you out of it."  She walks into the bathroom, looking at all the makeup covering the bathroom counter.

"No, it's okay." I catch my breath. "If I didn't snap out I would've probably missed the interview."

She warmly smiles and says, "If you're hungry I made pancakes. They're on the table."

I thank her and she walks out of the bathroom. I can't eat. I'll puke it out before I even get to the place. I never eat when I'm nervous. I learned it the hard way.

I look at myself in the mirror again, sucking in a deep breath. You got this, Avalon.

In my head, I still go by Avalon but when I actually speak it's Jane.

I finish applying my simple makeup which just consists of concealer, blush, filling in my eyebrows, highlighter, mascara, and lipstick.

I tie my straightened hair into a high ponytail and wear my dark blue blazer with the matching pencil skirt. I put on some matching flats and grab my bag. I spray a few pumps of perfume and twirl so it doesn't just get my chest. I walk out of my bedroom to see Zara cleaning up the mess she made when she was cooking earlier.

She looks back at me, smiling as she looks me up and down. "You look so cute and professional!"

I smile at her and pull up the directions on my phone. "I feel like I could puke any minute though."

"Remember what Mason said," She says before sipping on her smoothie. "Make him pay you double, it'll be like paying a dollar more for him."

I playfully roll my eyes and close the door behind me as I head out. "Yeah yeah, I'll see you later, Zara."

"Good luck Janie!" She shouts before I close the door.

It took her a few weeks to get used to my new name. She was a big fan of my name in college. She liked how different it was. She helped me choose the name, Jane. She said it's better to go simple so it can be harder to find me.

I go into the small elevator, breathing out slowly as the doors shut. I got this. I have to make myself believe I got this.

I take a taxi to twenty-third street. When the car stops in front of the building I pass the driver then get out of the car. Once he drives away I stand in front of the tall building. I look all the way up and it seems endless. I'm sure the roof is in the clouds or something.